On this episode, we start off by chatting about Cardi B's newest single with Meg Thee Stallion, “WAP,” and what new sex goals the lyrics have given us.
Then, we speak to sex educator Tyomi Morgan about how to achieve WAP IRL and the sex tricks that are quarantine-friendly.
Finally, we wrap up the episode with recommendations for Black women musicians that you can listen to and lingerie that'll have you thinking about becoming your own kind of sex symbol.
Okay, Now Listen Season 1 Episode 9 with Tyomi Morgan
[Music In]
Scottie Beam: You are listening to Okay, Now Listen, a biweekly show where we chat about what's on our minds, what we're bingeing and what's blowing up our timelines. I'm Scottie Beam. I'm a media personality, content creator, music enthusiast and a wing connoisseur.
Sylvia Obell: And I'm Sylvia Obell. I'm a culture writer, host, producer and lover of Beyoncé. And I'm adding Cardi B and Meg Thee Stallion to this list now as well. So thank you. [laughs]
Scottie: Hello. So in case you've been completely unplugged from the Internet for the past what -- week? You've probably heard and seen the newest single from Cardi B, "WAP" featuring Meg Thee Stallion. Alright. And it's here --.
[Music Out]
Sylvia: [sings] There's some whores in this house. There's some whores in this house. [laughs]
Scottie: And it's here to stay, bitch. Hello. I love the video. I love the fucking song. It is a moment that I will never forget. And we stayed up. Didn't you stay up till 12?
Sylvia: [crosstalk] We stayed up. Remember we were in the group chat like yo, like this --.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Hello.
Sylvia: I -- I literally. Y'all can ask. I went in our group chat and I was like, this song has to be good because I am just way too excited and I'll be so sad if it does not live up to the very high, nasty bar that like --.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Nasty.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] We want. Like, I want -- I like -- Zane better have co-wrotten in this shit nasty.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Hello. Knee deep nasty. I wanted it nasty.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Just put your whole leg, foot, kneecap.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Foot in it y'all. Leg in it. Get yours.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Like and they delivered. They -- I knew the second video. Open the gates open and just water poured out. [laughs] I'd said --.
Scottie: Hello.
Sylvia: Oh, here we are. This is what we're going to do.
Scottie: We're here.
Sylvia: I -- there's just so many aspirational things here and it's so crazy because we were loving it and enjoying it so much, minus the one appearance by somebody who were, you know, just get that out that we will not be naming on this show.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Who we will not name. I'm not -- not on this show.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] She who shall not be named!
Scottie: [crosstalk] Not on Okay, Now Listen. Absolutely not.
Sylvia: Aside from that, we were here for it completely. But what bothered me the most was how men, mostly --.
Scottie: Dirty, crusty-ass niggas.
Sylvia: Just any time they see women like, ooh! Women are having -- What's that I see? Black women are having too much fun. They get little alarm or something. They must get like a little notification on their phone, like Black women having too much time. Let me come fuck it up. I refuse to let anybody mess this song up for me. I didn't even participate in a lot of the outrage that was happening on Twitter because I was like, y'all not going -- You're not going to take my energy. You're not. You're not. [laughs]
Scottie: I participated a little bit only because that shit really grinds my gears.
Sylvia: [laughs] We know.
Scottie: It really grinds my gears. As somebody who is a lover of hip hop and been a lover of hip hop for a very long time, for men to sit here and discredit this song and say that it's not a hip hop song, that, you know, all they do is talk about sex and I can't relate. Nigga, you can't relate to half of the songs that are out about sex. All right. Whether it be a man or a woman. So let's just stop there, one. Two --
Sylvia: [crosstalk] You can relate to Rick Ross's “Luxury” bars? Like you can relate to that? No.
Scottie: Right. You can't relate to shit! [laughter] In your suburban ass house. You can't!
Sylvia: [crosstalk] That.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Some niggas live in the suburbs and are listening to fuckin Ex Ex Tentacion and all these other fucking rappers.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] And their mama's basement.
Scottie: Who talk about violence -- Right. Who talk about violence and they can't relate. So I don't know why it's so hard for you. One, where you can listen to a man talk about what they plan to do with a pussy. They talk about pussies all day. If you listen to what David Banner's play, you listen to that. You listen to "Pussy Monster" by Lil Wayne. But you mean to tell me that the moment that a woman talks about what she plans to do with her pussy, not anybody else's. Her pussy.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Her own body. [inaudible]
Scottie: You fucking decide you want to come up outside your fucking mouth and speak about shit that you don't know shit about. You know what I'm saying? Like that's what makes me very fucking upset.
Sylvia: Yeah.
Scottie: So I'm just tired of it. Like it's dumb and because people -- men feel like they have like this, they have some say on what's supposed to be said in hip hop, right. Like, they give us the layout of what we're supposed to be saying --.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Right, right.
Scottie: And what we're supposed to be rapping about. They recite these names in hip hop whom they don't fucking support. Black women, you know, the conscious Black woman who and I love those too. But y'all don't put money in their pockets either.
Sylvia: Right.
Scottie: So shut the fuck up.
Sylvia: Right.
Scottie: Shut the fuck up and know your place. This is not your place. This is not your place. None of it is your place.
Sylvia: WAP stands for I don't care what a man got to say about this pussy. Like, that's really like I know it doesn't -- [laughter] that's what WAP stands for, I could give a fuck --.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Right. About what --
Sylvia: [crosstalk] About what you as man has to say --
Scottie: [crosstalk] Literally.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] About my wet ass pussy. It has nothing to do with you.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Tons of fucking songs about men and pussy. Men talking about pussy. Pussy that they don't have. They don't own it.
Sylvia: It's explicit by nature. So you're pretending. The difference is, is that when men talk like this, it doesn't make news, doesn't break headlines because you're used to it and it's the status quo. Y'all don't make noise like this every time a man puts out a song about sex. We literally let "Lollipop" go number one for years. And it's a song about oral sex. Like, stop it. Don't be mad that we're taking the narrative. In fact, I think it's even better because -- and this is, and this is speaking especially to the older Gen-X and younger baby boomers who have something to say about our generation of hip hop, where it's like it's at -- one, it's much better for, I believe, for women to hear and learn about their sex in this way from a woman than a man.
Scottie: Right.
Sylvia: Which is what I grew up listening to in the 90s.
Scottie: Absolutely.
Sylvia: You know what I mean? Was men telling me what sex should be like and not a woman telling me what sex should be like, which I think is better. Y'all have got to stop acting as if -- right, like taking these old school narratives like oh, it's you know, your kids shouldn't be listening to this shit anyway.
Scottie: Stop.
Sylvia: Like let women have their fun. And then like and also know that there is -- there's a, there's a rap -- there's a female rapper for everything, whichever you're looking for.
Scottie: Right.
Sylvia: So don't act like all there is. Because there's Noname. There's Rapsody. There is motherfucking --.
Scottie: Chika. There's --
Sylvia: Yes.
Scottie: There's Jean Grae. There's all these people whom they don't know. Again, they refuse. They just want to complain and they're upset. And honestly, I truly believe it's because you can't fuck. And that's it. [laughter] Like hands down, you can't fuck. You won't ever be able to fuck. And that's fine. You have to deal with that. But don't put it on us.
Sylvia: And to the conservatives who claim that they accidentally watched this shit. Those were the ones that cracked me up.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Slipped and fell in some pussy.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] I said, you slipped and fell into the WAP museum.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Shut the fuck up.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Like the video is quite long. You could have, you could have a hit stop. It starts out with the opening gate. Like, how do you accidentally listen to a whole nasty-ass song? I -- you're lying. And you sound dumb.
Scottie: First of all, those political niggas are the most kinkiest out of everyone. They the nastiest niggas of them all. So please.
Sylvia: A y'all ain't got nothing to say when Trump putting kids in cages. But you got something to say when Meg talking about putting a man in cage for her own pleasure. Like, relax, relax.
Scottie: Oh niggas.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Trump say something everyday --
Scottie: [crosstalk] [laughs] I didn't even see that, that tweet.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] [laughs] Like y'all, you, you are not gonna sit here --.
Scottie: [crosstalk] What?
Sylvia: And sit quiet while Trump acts a fool regularly and then speak up because you think, well Meg and Cardi you are setting us back. Like nigga we are in a recession and unemployment is high as shit and there's a pandemic going on that we can't heal from. Meg and Cardi should not be your concern. Okay. There's an election. So worry about that. How about you do your job there?
Scottie: I mean, America's -- America's favorite pastime is policing Black women's bodies. So.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] It's a hobby. It is a hob-by.
Scottie: [crosstalk] It is a hobby. It is their favorite pastime. So I'm glad we got that off though. Cus I've been having myself [inaudible]. Shut the fuck up about it please.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Woo! That was in my heart. Like I just had to get a -- shut a fuck up. Okay? Just shut up.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Oh my god. [inaudible]
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Shut up and enjoy this wet ass pussy. Goddamn! [laughs]
Scottie: Right. You know, some of them can't enjoy it because they never had it. So please. I'll leave you to that. That's something that you will have to deal with.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] That's your own journey.
Scottie: And I don't give a damn what anybody got to say, this song is a fucking bop. Alright. Really got me taking notes, alright, about what I should be doing in the bedroom.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] It's educational. [laughs]
Scottie: So you know, I definitely -- yeah, I mean, I --.
Sylvia: Sex ed could never.
Scottie: I on my seventeen time listening to it and I'm like, wow, I'm inspired.
Sylvia: Can we talk about some of the gems in these lyrics though. Because like honestly it's like there's just a plethora of things here. She talks about -- there's some things where I'm also realizing that like, Meg's song like, like, okay Meg you -- I ain't there. I'm not there yet. Maybe by time you drop the next track. So like for me right up top when she's like, spit in my mouth, look at my eyes, I said, woo, whoa.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Hold on now. Hey hold on now.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] That spitting in the mouth or me is just not my ministry. I think I just --.
Scottie: [crosstalk] It's an experience. And -- it's an experience. It's an experience, Sylvia.
Sylvia: It's just a lot of your saliva in my mouth, like fresh, hot from yours in the mine. And it's just like ah, I don't know. I don't get turned on by drinking some --.
Scottie: [crosstalk] It's dick in your vagina literally.
Sylvia: But at least it feels good. What feels good about spit in my -- what feels good about that?
Scottie: It's just nasty. [laughter] You just a nasty bitch. That's why I'm a nasty bitch.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] You just nasty.
Scottie: I let you spit in my mouth. I'm not saying that I do it. I'm just saying it's just, you know I'm a nasty-ass --.
Sylvia: Seems like you're not against it. I don't know. I said, woo, she came out strong. Cardi and Meg came out strong. And I said, okay bitch. I see what we're doing today.
Scottie: Mhmm.
Sylvia: That -- I also loved when she for me personally, a highlight was when Meg talked about spelling her name while she rides. And to that I thought I said, okay, now that's something interesting. I know Meg got them Stallion needs. I'm really curious if she spelling Meg or Megan --.
Scottie: Megan.
Sylvia: Because that does make a difference. Like cus if you're spelling Meg since [inaudible]. Some of us have first names with six letters in them.
Scottie: Very long name. Yes.
Sylvia: [laughs] And I just don't know. I might hit them with a Syl. [laughter] S-Y-L --.
Scottie: No. All I got was one letter. Hey, D. [laughter] You call me D? I'ma spell that bitch out for you. D. Just one letter. How my knees are set up there's no way I'm spelling my name. There's no way. Like there's no way I'm doing that.
Sylvia: I mean, that's a challenge. That's a goal.
Scottie: [crosstalk]It is.
Sylvia: We're going to add that to my aspiration list. So how about you? What are -- what some of your stand out lyrics for you?
Scottie: You know, Cardi? When she said, tie me up like I'm surprised, let's role-play, I'll wear a disguise. Number one, I've never done a tied up thing because I'm very afraid [laughter] of submitting in any way, shape or form.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Shocking. Shocking. [laughs]
Scottie: Shut up. But like, it's something about that that's very scary. I could understand how, like, my senses would heighten and I would be like turned on by it, but I still haven't done it. I will try, though, eventually. And let's role play. I'll wear a disguise. See when I think a role play, I always think about him dressing up. I never really dress up myself.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Really? Oh.
Scottie: Like I want him to be a firefighter. No, I'll wear a cute little outfit, but I don't necessarily give a name to the person or, you know, I just put it on and call it a day. But like, I don't know. What are some role-play? What are some disguises that people wear?
Sylvia: Like, maybe you just you pretend like, like there's like the -- like, I think it's like all the fantasy porn stuff. Like, teacher-student, which is really problematic and we should talk about that one.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Weird. It's a little -- Yeah, it's a little wierd.
Sylvia: You know, some people play doctor-patient. I don't know, like, you know, like, you know --.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Mmm, thank you Sylvia, I'll do that. I like to play doctor.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Masseuse and, you know, it's someone who enjoys massages. Sometimes you go ahead and pretend -- give yourself the happy ending with your partner while he massage you or vice versa. There's a lot of things you can do. But we'll talk about that later. I'll send you a list. [laughs]
Scottie: Okay. Thank you.
Sylvia: I also really feel like I need to shout out this feminist bar, I don't cook. I don't clean. But let me tell you, I got this ring. Cardi, honestly, thank -- a feminist. Like aspirational. She said, listen, I don't cook, I don't clean. Fuck all that bullshit. But guess what? I still got married. How about that?
Scottie: Speaking -- right -- speaking to them niggas that are always talk about, oh, you'll never get married if you don't cook. Where? Where?
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Where? How?
Scottie: The ring is right here. How?
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Right there. So I was all ford that. And I mean, also I want to gag. I want to choke. I want you to touch that little dangly thing that swing in the back of my throat. Wow.
Scottie: Mmm. Which goes to something, [laughter] part of my ministry, which was, you know, what do you say? If it don't hang, then he can't bang. Because I don't get think --.
Sylvia: Those go hand in hand.
Scottie: Dangly thing is going to -- yeah. It's not, it's not gonna get touched if it's not hanging correctly or hanging at all because some of them don't hang. So I do believe in that. And yes, it needs to touch the little dangly thing. Shout out to the uvl -- uvula. The uvula.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Uvula. That's one of my favorite tweets where they were like, it's the uvula!
Scottie: [crosstalk] Uvula!
Sylvia: [laughs] That was the shit. That tweet had me dying.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Which is funny, cause I think I didn't even -- I forgot what the fucking name was.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] I said, what is that shit?
Scottie: [crosstalk] I can look it up. I said --
Sylvia: [crosstalk] But the funny thing is we all knew exactly what she was talking about. So --.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Exactly.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Point gotten -- point was made.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Exactly.
Sylvia: And I'm going to end with my fave -- probably what my favorite two words was. When she said, punani Dasani? I said, wow, a rhyme, a rapper.
Scottie: [crosstalk] I mean, here it is.
Sylvia: Way to rhyme..
Scottie: Here it is.
Sylvia: Like --.
Scottie: I thought you was gonna do: out in public, make a scene.
Sylvia: Oh! So yes. I mean, sorry. I woas like my two favorite words were punani Dasani because I -- like I really laughed out loud when I heard that line because I was like, wow, it rhymes. Cute. But when she's talking about being outside, let's make a scene. Like sex in public is --.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Let me tell you something about scenes. It's a thing.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Like it -- like I want like -- I would like to have, like I think a fantasy of mine would be to have sex like in a place that's public but not. Like I don't want it to be so public that people are watching me having sex.
Scottie: Right.
Sylvia: But I want to feel like I'm getting away with something in a place where I shouldn't be doing it.
Scottie: I'm gonna say, it's the thrill of getting caught.
Sylvia: But not actually.
Scottie: Like the thrill. No, not actually getting caught --
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Yeah.
Scottie: But it's the thrill. Like I had sex in a fitting room. Yes. It could all go down and she could figure out that we were fucking in the fitting room. But it was the thrill of, this is wrong, you ain't supposed to have sex here.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Yes.
Scottie: [crosstalk] This is crazy. This is a little dirty, but this is nice. You know what I'm saying?
Sylvia: Yeah. I mean, like I said, this song is literally giving us the -- that's the thing, it was wordplay and it was nasty. It wasn't one or the other. So any like -- It was really good shit. And I for one, am changed. "WAP" has changed me. I'm so glad my wet ass pussy has an anthem. That we can, that we can celebrate ourselves with regularly and who give a fuck what a hater gonna say, honestly.
Scottie: I'm talking WAP, WAP, WAP. Like [laughter] I love that. I love that line. I don't know why cus it makes me think that she's like bouncing on the dick.
Sylvia: Oh it's like, WAP WAP WAP.
Scottie: [crosstalk] WAP WAP WAP
Sylvia: Cus that's the sound. She's trying to make when it sound like, Oh --.
Scottie: Hello.
Sylvia: Before we go. But before we change the topic of this video, the splits! The splits.
Scottie: Megan.
Sylvia: The splits?
Scottie: Now Sylvia, have you tried? Because the amount --.
Sylvia: The answer is no.
Scottie: Of times that I've tried. [laughter] I have tried so many different ways. I actual -- I actually have videos that I'm going to, like, send to you cus --.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Please do. I will -- [laughs]
Scottie: [crosstalk] I will try different dimensions. Different angles. I was like, I'm just not there yet.
Sylvia: Megan's ass is like the ninth wonder of the world. Let's just be honest here.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Oh my god. Perfect. It's perfect.
Sylvia: Did you see when the tiger even like, kind of looked back like --.
Scottie: Was like, bitch -- I tweeted that. I said, that's -- [laughter] that tiger was like, bitch.
Sylvia: That was your tweet.
Scottie: Really?
Sylvia: I was like, where did I see this? the tiger was like, do you see this ass?
Scottie: I want -- I wanted to bite it. Like it was crazy. It looks like an apple. It's nuts to me. Like I --
Sylvia: And it's hers. That's the best part about it. It's like, yes, natural booties getting their day. Like this what an ass looks like. And Megan was hitting them splits. Cardi was right there with the splits. Thank you, girls for giving us choreo--.
Scottie: Cardi was holding on to them chairs because that would have been me too. [inaudible]
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Cardi has -- Cardi was like, listen. My stripper days are over. I used to do this every night in the Bronx. You could ask about me. But as of today, I am a mother.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Right, as of today. Let me, let me get these chairs. Let me hold myself up with these chairs.
Sylvia: She did what she had to do. That [laughs] -- she did more than I could do.
Scottie: Shit, girl. I would did -- hello. So, yeah, that was amazing. But obviously, this song had us thinking about sex. So I think we need to go ahead and dive into the WAP. Like W-A-P, the wet ass pussy, the literal wet ass pussy. What do you think, Sylvia?
[Music In]
Sylvia: A deep dive into wet ass pussy --.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] A deep dive. Deep.
Sylvia: Is also what I think we all need today. I'm here for it. Let's make it happen. Splash, splash.
Scottie: Splash, splash bitch.
Sylvia: Splash, splash bitch. [laughter]
Scottie: Okay. So to join us in having this very important sex talk, we've brought along my favorite sexpert, the sex educator and founder of Glamerotica 101, Tyomi Morgan. Thanks for joining us today.
[Music Out]
Tyomi Morgan: Thanks for having me, ladies.
Sylvia: Hey girl, hey.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] Hey girl, hey.
Scottie: Hey girl, you look good. The lip is showing. I mean, the teeth is there. You know, the, the material is just there.
Sylvia: Look at the material.
Tyomi: I was like, I -- I'm coming on this podcast. I gotta look good. And then, you know, I was like I was channeling my Meg vibes from the WAP video, you know, with a leopard print.
Sylvia: Well, speaking of because before we get into the sex convo that was very much inspired by WAP, we wanted to get your thoughts on WAP? What did you think about the song? The video? What were your thoughts?
Tyomi: Listen, listen. Listen. [laughter] My assistant hit me up. She was like, swear to God. This is like you. Like, they just took all of your words and put it in a song and just the water scene was spot on. I was like, wow. I love the literal interpretation of wet ass pussy in a water scene. So, like, I was feeling it.
Scottie: And we were excited about it. We were super excited about it. But there were people who were very upset about it.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] Oh girl.
Scottie: And I would call it the dry ass pussy community.
Tyomi: Oh, are we gonna get into it? Cause like --.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Oh, we can get into it. We can -- talk about it.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] Oh gosh this is -- it's so, it's so loaded.
Scottie: I want to make sure that, you know, I'm giving grace to the dry ass pussy community because there are dry pussies in the community. [laughter] And I do, although you can -- yes, they can be mad and all that stuff. And I get why there up -- maybe I don't, I don't understand why they're upset, but I also want them to have information about they achieving this wet ass pussy. That they can get -- like it's not impossible to get a wet ass pussy.
Sylvia: I'll tell you why they're mad. They're mad because this song literally singles out a specific type of pussy and they don't fall in that category. And because of that, they feel attacked. And it's -- and what I see often when songs of empowerment like this come out is that people who don't feel empowered in that way, they feel like the song is singling them out or leaving them out. And I'm just like, there is nothing wrong with a woman praising her pussy and its wetness and how good it is because a healthy and happy pussy is a wet pussy. And if you do have a dry pussy, you know, there are reasons why and it could be remedied. Like, you need to figure it out. Figure out what's causing the dryness and fix it. And you can then sing the song with confidence because you've got a wet ass pussy, too. And I'll tell you this. I saw someone say, this song is not for you spit-start hoes. [laughter] I was like hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Y'all. I was like, now what we are not going do, [laughs], what we're not going to do is shame the fact that some people need lube. Listen, if you're pussy ain't getting wet naturally, if you are a proud lube user, then you can sing WAP too because look. Lube can jump start. But the spit start took me out because I was like, yeah.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Spit start is -- that was --
Scottie: [crosstalk] The lick the tip.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] The lick the tip. [laughs]
Scottie: The lick the tip community.
Tyomi: Yeah.
Sylvia: Oh no!
Scottie: Yeah.
Sylvia: Oh my goodness. But like you said, like, WAP can be aspirational. It can be. It doesn't have to exclude people. Cus we can all get there, you know what I mean.
Tyomi: Yeah.
Sylvia: Like, you know, me and Scottie wanted to make sure we brought you one because I don't know the tips that we can give, you know, dry pussy Twitter.
Tyomi: Yeah look.
Sylvia: And our beautiful listeners who, listen, It's not a -- it's not -- it's nothing to be ashamed of.
Tyomi: It's not.
Sylvia: We are glorifying one thing, but there's nothing to be ashamed of if you need a little help to get there.
Scottie: Right.
Sylvia: So I wanted to -- we wanted to ask you, how can women who are listening to this song and want to play too, they want to splash in the, you know, waterfalls as well. How can they help get themselves there?
Tyomi: Like I said, there are so many factors that can contribute to vaginal dryness. Vaginal dryness is actually one of the like four different types of sexual dysfunction and there -- there may be more than just four. But female sexual dysfunction is real. Vaginal dryness is a very common one. And there's reasons why. Vaginal dryness is a symptom. So it means that there is something else going on in the body that needs to be checked out. You know, dehydration is a very common one. We're supposed to be drinking half of our body weight in water every day. And staying hydrated. So some people out there, some some pussies out there may not be getting enough water intake. Eat your vegetables. If your diet is trash. If it's high in like, sugar. Sugar dehydrates you. Also, if you're not working out, if you don't have a movement routine and you live a sedentary lifestyle. Like, I work behind a computer most of the time or on my phone. So I'm sitting on my ass a lot. But I get up and I get moving every day. If you don't move at all, then the blood flow to your pelvis is being constricted. So more blood flow, more blood flow equals juicier pussy. And then the products you're using, listen, you don't need to smell like summer breeze and freakin strawberries and cream.
Scottie: Thank you.
Tyomi: Okay. Pussy smells like pussy.
Scottie: Please.
Sylvia: Tell the kids! Tell the --.
Scottie: Tell love spell community.
Tyomi: Let me tell you something.
Scottie: [crosstalk] What -- what --
Sylvia: [crosstalk] The [laughs] -- the love spell.
Scottie: [crosstalk] They need to hear it.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] Look, look, look, look. You on to something. You on to something.
Scottie: Tell them!
Tyomi: Look.
Scottie: Cus I can't. I can't say it anymore.
Tyomi: Listen, y'all, just because it's on the market and just because it's a marketed to us doesn't mean it's for us. There's a whole entire industry that has made money off of us feeling ashamed about how we smell naturally. There's a difference between your natural body chemistry and the smells that your body produces. And that also has a lot to do with your diet and your internal emotional environment. And an infection that is causing a smell. Two different things. If you have an infection present it’s not meant to be masked. You don't need to mask it with summer's eve and all these other products on the market.
Scottie: Oh, child.
Tyomi: You need to go and talk to your doctor and figure out what's going on, especially if you have consistent infections, consistent B.V. you know, that makes you more susceptible to contracting STIs because the vaginal ecosystem is off. It needs to be in balance. Like the bacteria that causes B.V. is always there but it's kept in balance. So when you're using products that aren't P.H. balanced and have fragrance in it and all that, it can cause vaginal dryness because your body is having an allergic reaction to it. Even tampons, a lot of tampons in the market are bleached. And the chemicals that they use to bleach the cotton can dry you out. What else? Panties, yo. A lot of panties, a lot of panties today you think that they're made out of cotton, but they're not. They're made out of like acrylic or a fiber that's woven to look like cotton. You want to make sure if you are a panty wearer, because I'm not --.
Sylvia: I don't know the science. I'm not, I'm not -- [laughter] you know, I'm not big on the science.
Sylvia: I'm already nervous.
Scottie: But it just works for me, you know -- as a, like, as a fan of no panties. And I started, I started to stop --.
Tyomi: Team commando.
Scottie: Like around 25. I think I just was like, I'm done, I'm finished. I played the game.
Tyomi: Yep.
Scottie: It was fun.
Sylvia: Okay, so I think also -- but I also think another reason why a lot of women are like not realizing even just how wet their pussies can get is because niggas is skipping foreplay.
Tyomi: That part.
Sylvia: People aren't being aroused.
Tyomi: That part.
Sylvia: You know, people often try to act like a wet ass pussy is a one person job.
Tyomi: Yeah.
Sylvia: But as you know, it takes two for some people and it really does. Like a lot of men are skipping the fact that they play a part in how wet or, you know, whoever the partner is, you know, sexuality is a spectrum.
Tyomi: Yes.
Sylvia: So, like whoever your partner is. But I also feel like usually men who are skipping this part and not the women, if you're a woman's a partner. But like.
Scottie: I bet.
Sylvia: They're -- you know, we're not playing -- they're not playing their part in helping their woman get to the point where her pussy gets wetter because she's aroused by foreplay or whatever else before you just go ahead, stick it in. You know.
Tyomi: Yeah.
Sylvia: We had an episode a couple weeks ago -- I mean, a couple -- maybe a month ago at this point where Scottie was like, we need to start being honest with these niggas about achieving orgasms or not.
Scottie: I am tired of lying to these niggas.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] Oh I don't lie.
Scottie: [crosstalk] I stopped lying long time ago. Long time ago. [laughter] When, when I started when I first lost my virginity and all that stuff. I -- Of course, I was like, oh it was great. You know, I didn't know what to do. But then I found my voice.
Tyomi: Yes.
Scottie: And I said --.
Tyomi: Yes.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] You been -- How long ago did you find your voice? how -- you said like --
Scottie: Found my voice probably a year later after use -- losing my virginity.
Sylvia: Wow.
Scottie: Probably like at 21, 22 is when I was like, oh, these niggas ain't -- No, no, no, no.
Tyomi: Yep.
Scottie: No, no, no. It's trash. Stop.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] Good for you.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Get off me. Yeah.
Sylvia: That's good. I think for me it took me awhile to realize it -- it took me having a real orgasm to realize that the other ones were playboy. You know what I mean. Cus I think sometimes you're thinking, especially in the beginning like, oh, this feels good. I'm having feelings like not realizing like, oh!
Tyomi: [crosstalk] There's more.
Sylvia: This is the orgasm! You know what I mean. And then once you realized that, then it's like, oh, Okay. I've been lying to niggas by accident, but it was because I didn't realize like I hadn't --you know, cus you're young or whatever. So.
Scottie: Right.
Sylvia: A, I wanna talk about how we can stop lying to men but also I want us to help get tips about how to achieve orgasms, like to help people. Because like we said, like a lot of times when you're just -- the biggest issue with not being honest about it is it's not going to get you to the goal.
Tyomi: Right.
Sylvia: Which is getting it -- Being able to have an orgasm. I think, I know from me a lot of times why I kept it to myself was like the shame factor of thinking that you're different or like it's on you. Or as a woman or whatever that like, I see in the movies or wherever else, I'm like either everybody's lying, which turned out to be the case, right, for you [laughter].
Scottie: [crosstalk] Yes. It is. Lying.
Sylvia: Like either everybody's lying or something's wrong with me. And you realize like, oh, wait. Like how many percentage of women never have a vaginal orgasm? Like, I know for me personally, like it's -- I can come from the clit every -- you know, I don't take much, you know what I mean? But for the G-spot, she and I, we need a little extra mile there, you know, like you know. [laughs].
Scottie: G-spot and ,me don't know her. I don't think I -- me and her don't know each other yet. [laughter].
Tyomi: Yet, yet. Not yet.
Scottie: Yeah. We've heard of each other, you know, we heard --.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] She's there. [laughs]
Scottie: [crosstalk] We in the same struggle -- right, but we just haven't met face to face yet.
Sylvia: And that's what -- that's the one, from my understanding. I'm not the expert here. So correct me if I'm wrong. But that's the one where like that's what's happening during intercourse is like the man is trying to hit the G spot. And I was like trying to read how, like, the G spot grows like it, like enlarges, like the more like aroused you are. And then like, I don't know. I'm just like here like how do we because I like I said, I think a lot of us got the clit stuff down, but I mean, maybe we could talk about that too. But for me it really is when I'm having sex with a partner and it's not just like oral.
Sylvia: Like, how do I ac -- like, I think that's the most diff -- that's the time we lie the most and need the most help.
Tyomi: Yeah. So. Female bodies can actually have like a good 15 or more different types of orgasms. Your --.
Sylvia: 15?!
Tyomi: Yes. Your clitoral orgasm is just one. I just want you to know.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] We just at the surface. I don't --.
Scottie: Wow.
Tyomi: And and we are mostly orgasmic which means you can have multiple clitoral orgasms, you can have multiple G spot orgasms.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Yes.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Now that I know. [laughs]
Scottie: That I'm familiar with.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] You know what I mean?
Scottie: Know it very well.
Tyomi: So the great thing about our orgasms, too, is that they're not attached to procreation. Like they're literally just for pleasure. The orgasm that the average man is biologically connected to and the most familiar with is the ejaculatory orgasm where he skeets and orgasms at the same time, which the body does not know the difference between him having sex for pleasure and him having sex for procreation. So he has a refractory period. His body has to reset, create more sperm, yada, yada. Us? We keep going and going, like the Energizer Bunny once you know secrets.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Keep going and going. Going and goin.
Tyomi: Because our orgasms charge us up, you know what I mean. So the G spot is just one erogenous zone within vagina. There are several. [laughs] So you have that A spot, which is the anterior fornix zone. And it's like a little pocket. So up at the bottom of the pussy, which is the end where the cervix is. There are like these little pockets around the cervix. Because the service is the part of the uterus that dips down and so the vagina. So you've got a front pocket in the back pocket. The front pocket -- pocket is the A spot on the front wall of the vagina. The back wall is the posterior or the back pocket, which is on the backside. And the cervix also an erogenous zone too but a lot of women have like some uncomfortable feeling, especially when they're not aroused enough in the vagina hasn't erected or expanded back? Because, see, we get erections, too. It's what men don't understand, but our erections are internal. You don't see them. But if you are a lover that is knowledgeable and you're having sex with the lights on. You can see the changes in the vulva, which indicates that there is more blood flow. She's getting juicier. The vagina is getting prepped for penetration because, you know, pussies are a moist environment naturally. But as we become more aroused, they get wetter, like we said earlier. And so with foreplay, with relaxation -- relaxation and safety are the two biggest factors of wet pussy. If a woman does not feel safe, if she registers a threat, whether it's a conscious awareness or a subconscious awareness, the vagina is smart. She gonna be like, Oh, nah bitch. We can't go this way. What you doing? You know. And that could also be like this -- the room doesn't smell good or visually like it's stuff all over the place, you know what I mean.
Sylvia: Jordans everywhere, just --.
Tyomi: Right.
Sylvia: Jordans everywhere. [laughs]
Tyomi: [crosstalk] Maybe it's too cold in the room.
Scottie: [crosstalk] He ain't got no comforter.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] Right. He ain't got no comforter -- girl, look. Oh, God. Don't get me started.
Scottie: [crosstalk] He ain't got no comforter.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] No headboard. Not headboard in sight. [laughs]
Tyomi: [crosstalk] Not a headboard, bed broke. Dirty ass sheets.
Scottie: Blue sheets. Blue sheets and one pillow.
Tyomi: Right there. [laughs]
Sylvia: An air matress. [laughs]
Tyomi: Uh, look.
Scottie: Child.
Tyomi: Don't insult me with that damn air mattress. I ain't laying down on that shit to fuck. Like I -- Unless we do want some slip and slide, nuru massage or something that's different.
Scottie: Hey, what's that? [laughs]
Tyomi: Oh, oh -- girl. Look.
Sylvia: Okay. Well what -- let's stay on topic. Let's stay -- I well, let's not, let's not get distracted cus Scottie's gonna have a slip and slide.
Scottie: Hey.
Sylvia: I need the girls to figure -- we need more orgasms.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] This orgasm piece. Yeah.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] I need the girls to know.
Tyomi: I know you said that like, this is not just about you but them too. Well, your pleasure is actually your responsibility.
Sylvia: Mkay.
Tyomi: So your orgasm is your responsibility. And like, men have that down. All the way.
Scottie: [crosstalk] All the way.
Tyomi: They like, yeah, I'ma get mine. But we don't understand that it's also our responsibility to secure our orgasm. And so that means feeling empowered enough to be able to speak up and say what you want. And some women don't know what they want because they don't explore their bodies. So, some women don't even look down there. You can start by taking a hand mirror and looking at your pussy and figuring out the parts, figuring out, like, you know, taking your hands and caressing her and feeling like what parts are sensitive. And if you don't feel anything and it's a sign that maybe some trauma is blocking you from actually being able to feel sensation. And --
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Interesting.
Tyomi: And as women having a womb space, we carry a lot of our trauma and negative feelings and like the negative impacts in our body in our womb space.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Wow.
Tyomi: So there are a lot of women who are just not having sensations because they've been traumatized in one way or the other. And trauma does not always look like hard forcible rape or sexual assault. Trauma could be someone shaming you about what your body looks like. And then you hold that in your womb space and you don't want to open up when it is time for you to undress. And your coochie feels like she's experiencing a threat.
Scottie: Right.
Tyomi: Exploration of your body being present, relaxing, owning up to the fact that you may need some professional help to help you move through certain blockages that are blocking you from really feeling into your pleasure. And you're right. We gotta stop lying. We gotta stop that because it's not going to get any better. Your your -- think about this. If your orgasm is your responsibility, then what do you think lying to him to quote unquote protect his ego is really doing? He's getting his, you're sitting over here feeling all burnt out and burnt up, all because you're like, he didn't think about me. Actually sis, you didn't think about you because you lied and you, you don't even really know what you want or how you like it for real or what your body responds to because you are expecting him to know it all. But he's not a mind reader. Men do not read minds.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] They sure don't.
Tyomi: And the average man doesn't know female anatomy the way that you'd think that they know.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Right.
Tyomi: They go off of using the same habitual moves at work on the last pussy.
Scottie: Hello.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Woo!
Tyomi: And they're like, well, hope this work. You know.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Hello.
Tyomi: And a lot of them are used to masturbating. So they're really just using your your pussy as a pocket pussy. It's just attached to a body and it's warm. So they're masturbating in you're coochie. That's what most of them are doing. And so if you --.
Sylvia: Damn that's the way to put it.
Tyomi: Look, if you as a woman, if you're not in control, if you are not telling them what you need even before you get there, into the bedroom. And if you're not taking your time to explore your own body, you're doing yourself a disservice, because if he doesn't have a road map to your pleasure, if you don't give him their road map, he is going to be up in your shape guessing. And you don't want that. [laughs]
Scottie: I want to stay on the topic of exploration because, listen. I can admit that this quarantine business can have the bedroom seem a bit mundane, especially if you're in a relationship because you know, it's repetitive. It's -- we're in the house all day --
Sylvia: [crosstalk] I'ma go ahead and take my time out of this part of the conversation.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Shut up! [laughs]
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Oh my god. We're in the house all day --.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Ugh, god.
Sylvia: Just having sex. [laughter]
Scottie: It is -- no. It's not all day. Like we not having sex all day.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] No, I know.
Scottie: Like it's just your -- we're in a relationship and, you know, you have sex, but it's turning into something that's like repetitive and it's like --.
Tyomi: Uh huh.
Scottie: Routine. You know what I'm saying?
Tyomi: [crosstalk] Yep.
Scottie: Like it gets kind of tired. So do you have any creative ideas for quarantine? For people who are in a relationship and also people who are single. Sylvia, don't you try me --.
Tyomi: Yes. Taking a class is a way that you can expand because there are so many sites to educate -- we are sessential workers. Okay. There's so many sex educators that work online that can help you expand your awareness and also expand your ideas of what sex means. Because most people are like, ooh, penis in vagina or penis and mouth. And don't even talk about anal because most people are just like, oh, it's going to hurt. So if your only ideas of sex is penis -- penile penetration in mouth or pussy, then of course it's gonna get mundane and boring. But if you realize that there is a whole slew of things you can do in outer course. Outer course is everything that does not include intercourse. Now, that's where you could spice stuff up, games that you can play. I'm a kinky ass bitch. So. [laughter]
Scottie: [crosstalk] Hello! I love her.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] So. So --
Sylvia: [crosstalk] [laughs] I love -- I stand. I stand.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] Kink? Kink? Yo, baby. Yo -- you don't have to penetrate me, swear to God. If you spank me and you wax my ass, literally pour wax on my ass. I will -- I will have -- I will cum and I will feel satisfied and I will have the best sleep of my life. Okay. [laughter] So there's so many different ways that you can play.
Sylvia: So like, what else is there? Tell us -- [laughs] literally --
Tyomi: I mean, okay. So let's talk about bondage right. Now when we think about bondage everyone goes really hard to like rope or handcuffs. But let's say you're a beginner in this thing. You can use a headscarf. Every woman, especially Black women, got a headscarf, at least one.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] You right.
Tyomi: I got several. You can use the head scarf to bind the ankles together or bind the risk together. You could even use a headscarf as a blindfold. Doesn't cost you anything. And it changes up the sensations of play because when you're bound and you're restricted and you can't move, you have to surrender. Right? So being bound can teach a woman who isn't used to like surrendering to the feeling to just relax and let her partner take care of her. A head scarf can also be used as a whip. You know, you twirl it around, you can wet it -- ksh-ksh. So there's so many different ways. And that -- and that was just me saying a head scarf. So.
Sylvia: I love -- but you picked up an essential item that Black girls got so I feel seen.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Hello.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] It's called a pervertible.
Scottie: [crosstalk] No excuse.
Tyomi: It's called a pervertible. A pervertible is a common item, a common household item that you can turn into --.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Got you.
Tyomi: An item for sexual play. Erotic massage. Another one of my favorite like ways to connect and play without even intercourse being involved, because with erotic massage, you do it naked and you can use your body in the process. So your titties, your booty, your lips, your tong, your fingers, you know what I mean? You could take turns on each other and then you can use your hands for, like, you know, manual stimulation for the penis or nipples or for the vulva. You know what I mean? So if you don't have an an expanded erotic mid right now, take a class. There's way too many sex educators online for you to be like, I don't know what I'm doing. [laughter] And help books out there that like, literally could tell you what to do.
Scottie: Perfect.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Got it.
Scottie: And for my single ladies, you got anything for them?
Tyomi: So --
Scottie: You know, like --
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Cus how do you know, I --.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Go ahead, Sylvia.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Yeah, go ahead -- no. Like what? Please, no. I need ideas cus bitch it's been -- I haven't had sex all year. [laughs]
Tyomi: You have to be fucking yourself? Have you been masturbating?
Sylvia: Oh, well, yes. Most definitely.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] That's what it is, sex. Don't discount that. [laughter] And that's the thing with single ladies, we got to remember, like we'll say --.
Sylvia: Okay.
Tyomi: We'll say, oh, I haven't had sex all year. You are your primary partner. How are you gonna --.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Read me.
Tyomi: How are you gonna front yourself like that? I'm just saying --.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Hello.
Tyomi: Like, because then if you don't appreciate the sex that you're having with yourself, that's a part of the problem. It's like --.
Sylvia: Okay.
Tyomi: Okay. So you actually make time to play with yourself, but you don't count that as sex. And you could think whatever you want. And it is sex. So if you qualify that, then you're like, Okay, well then what else can I do with myself? You can masturbate in a different part of your space that you live in. You can use different toys. You can use different positions, set up a camera and masturbate in front of the camera to re watch it for yourself, if it's not something that you want to send out to anyone and you can delete it right after. You can put on some lingerie, you know, and you can role play with your damn self. It really requires a lot of imagination. You even blindfold yourself and masturbate. You can handcuff yourself, keep the keys next to you or [laughs] --.
Sylvia: [laughs] That could get -- that could get tricky.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] It really could. Make sure them keys right next to you.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Having to explain that to somebody.
Tyomi: But again, like, you know, self massage, you know, massaging your breasts and stimulating your nipples, stimulating your neck, just taking time to really like breathe deep and just massage your neck if you're into that, even choking yourself. You know what I mean? Spanking yourself. I give myself spanking sessions all the time cus I love impact play and I love to be a bottom. But with COVID I haven't had many experiences. So I'm not going to wait until I have a partner to spank myself or to choke myself. I'm gonna put on some sexy ass music, oil myself up. You know what I mean? And have some ambient lighting, turn on my little flameless candles, drink my wine. Start breathing deep and just start exploring my body.
Sylvia: That's super helpful. And yeah, I think these are really some good tips and tricks. So thank you for those.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] And they are easy.And also these classes are are like, affordable. And when I say affordable, I know everybody's like, price range is different. But if you can at least, like, just tuck away two dollars a day. Just for two dollars a day, you'll be on your way to orgasms. [laughs]
Sylvia: For two dollars a day, you too can have a wet ass pussy. [laughs].
Scottie: Hello. [laughter] Hello.
Sylvia: Call 1-800-WAP
Tyomi: WAP. WAP. [laughter]
Scottie: Amazing. Amazing.
Sylvia: Woo! But thank you so much for that. Before we go, since we have a sex expert here with us, we figured it would be a good time to share some confessions, to let us -- so for you to let us know if we should be worry -- or like, just you know, feel free to judge or read us on our confession and like, let us know if we -- like whatever. You know, me so.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] I'm not gonna judge you. You know, I create nonjudgmental spaces so I'm not gonna judge you, but I will give you some tips and pointers.
Sylvia: Right. Cus I can already tell by the conversation we had that you gonna be real mad at me.
Tyomi: Uh Oh.
Sylvia: But [laughs] --
Scottie: Go ahead Sylvia. You go first.
Sylvia: I know, I was like ooh. Okay, so my sexual confession is that -- ah. Mom, if you're listening, this is where you press stop. Okay?
Tyomi: Hey, mom.
Sylvia: This is where the podcast ends for you if you're related to me, thanks. Okay. I've never had my ass eaten before. I didn't even know it was a thing that people did until that Jhene songs. And when she say, eat the booty like groceries. And then everybody started talking about how much they love -- I said wait. Has everybody been doing this all this time and I had no idea?
Tyomi: [laughs] You know what? There were a lot of closeted booty eaters and receivers. [laughter] Like Meg say, if he ate my ass, he's a bottom feeder. Alright.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Ah! She did. She did say that.
Tyomi: And I'll be honest with you. You're not alone. There are a lot of women who have not experienced having their ass eight because they have such like anxiety around anything but play. So --.
Sylvia: Yeah, that's real.
Tyomi: People -- we talk about oral sex and we leave out analingus like it's not a thing. It is though. For men andd for women. So next time you're with a partner, you know, whoever you choose and they're COVID free and all that good stuff, then bring up the conversation. And I would say bring it up before, because with how we are interacting now. It's like you've got to plan out everything. So I'm pretty sure you will --
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Right.
Tyomi: Have a conversation before you have sex. So talk about it. Like, hey, you know what? I never had my ass ate, but I would be interested.
Sylvia: It's just, think for me, I was always afraid of two things. One, it just doesn't feel like something you do the first time you sleep with somebody. Or like so if you're only having like -- if you're having like, I felt like I was waiting for my next, like, serious relationship where I felt comfortable enough to be with that person and do it that way. But also, I don't -- I'm, you know, I'm a generous lover. I don't like to ask for anything I -- I don't return.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] Homegirl --.
Sylvia: And I don't know if I want to return this. [laughs]
Tyomi: Girl. You can ask for everything. Look, it's not about --.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] [laughs] Don't know --.
Tyomi: It's not about reciprocity though. It's it's not about reciprocity, like tit for tat. You know --.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Right.
Tyomi: What you like is what you like. And then you have your boundaries. Like I got asked this year twice by men to eat their ass. And I was like, I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] [laughs] That's a good way to put it.
Tyomi: I'm not there with man ass. I'll eat female ass, but like male ass right now? I'm not there yet. But I do play, we know, in other ways just not with my mouth. And that's the thing, and like, everybody has their standards of what they feel comfortable doing with like, somebody you first meet or like in an established relationship with.
Sylvia: Okay. But that makes me feel better because like I always think of it, like I would hate -- like I hate when people act like, you know, you, they'll --you'll give oral sex, but they won't return it. I'm very big on making sure, you know, we're all enjoying ourselves. So my -- that was what was holding me back. My fear that the nigga would then turn to me and like, okay you up. [laughter] And I'll be like, ah damn. And then he just did it for me so I feel trash. Cus I ain't gonna do it.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Would you look at the time?
Tyomi: [crosstalk] You've got your boundaries.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Would you look -- would you look at the time.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] You've got your boundaries.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Right. I left my baby in the car. I gotta go. I'm out.
Sylvia: [laughs] Baby in the car --
Scottie: I have to leave.
Sylvia: Okay.
Tyomi: As long as you state you boundaries in the beginning, you know.
Sylvia: Okay.
Tyomi: And also if you say no. Like mmm, it's a no for me dog. Follow up, but what else can I do to satisfy you right now?
Sylvia: [crosstalk] What else? Anything else. Please. [laughs].
Scottie: Right.
Tyomi: You just have to have the confidence in knowing that saying no in the moment is Okay.
Sylvia: Okay.
Tyomi: And you know, if his erection starts to go down or he's not feeling it anymore because you didn't honor his request, then you know what? Just be like, alright. Well, it was great. Because if, if after you offer to do something else and he's just like got a whole attitude. Alright, my guy, you're not going to force me to do something I don't want to do. I don't feel safe anymore. So this is done.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Right. Nope.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] And that's that.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] Done. Done.
Scottie: [crosstalk] That's a fact.
Sylvia: Okay. Scottie, you're up. You're up.
Scottie: Tyomi, listen to me, Okay?
Tyomi: I'm listening.
Scottie: I think about sex all the time. Right. And I mean all the time. I mean, almost every -- every five minutes, I think about it. Think about it, you know. And then I -- I want to do it. I want to have sex every day. If I could have sex every day, I would. I think I'm addicted to sex. I think that I enjoy it way too much. I think I want to do it rather than doing other things. I will choose having sex rather than eating, sometimes. Like I -- I don't have to eat. I would like some dick though. So.
Tyomi: Ooh yeah. I feel that sentiment.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] That's -- now that's a diet plan. [laughs]
Scottie: [crosstalk] I'm -- listen. [laughs].
Tyomi: [crosstalk] A big diet.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] That's a diet plan.
Scottie: So. But, you know, everybody can't do that.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] Nope.
Scottie: You know, have sex. So I masturbate a lot. And now I think I'm addicted to masturbating, which like sometimes I make it a competition for like an hour. Right. I say, okay, I got an hour. I want to see how many orgasms --.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] Orgasms.
Scottie: I can have in an hour. You know what I'm saying. Is that a problem? Do I need to call someone? [laughter] Is this crazy?
Tyomi: [crosstalk] I'ma say --.
Sylvia: Do we need an intervention?
Scottie: Intervention.
Tyomi: It becomes a problem and you need intervention when it negatively impacts your life. So if you are going without eating and choosing sex. If it's messing up the bag. If it's starting to affect the relationships around you, where you're hurting people because of your decision to have sex over other things, then you need some help. And even if it's like affecting your, like, mental capacity, like your ability to focus on work or to connect with other people. So that's when I say, go seek help. But you are a creative person --
Scottie: [crosstalk] I'm not there yet.
Tyomi: Yeah. Yeah. No. I don't want you get there either. [laughs]
Scottie: [crosstalk] Oh, well not yet. Know what I'm saying, I'm not there.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Let's take the yet out. [laughs]
Tyomi: Cus I --.
Scottie: [crosstalk] I'm not there.
Tyomi: Cus I'll tell you, Scottie, I'm just like you. Like, I have a high sex drive, you know. I think about sex -- not just because I do this as a job, but sex is always on my mind in some way. And I'm always leaving my life open to have some sexy ass kinky ass experience, period. That's just me. And because I got a lot going on, I don't masturbate as much as I want. But if I -- if I had, like, free time, I would just be sitting up there masturbating for like five hours, you know what I mean.
Scottie: Day -- all day. I could do it.
Tyomi: Like I -- like all day, which we actually deserve that. So solutions here. Number one, remember that your sexual energy is your creative energy. And so because we're not often told that, especially as womb owners, when we do feel our sex drive like in high gear and our hormones are high and all of that. The only thing we could think to do with that energy is fuck it off, you know? But if you take that energy and you channel it into a project or you channel it into something creative, even working out. When you work, it moves the energy around the body, you know what I mean? So --
Sylvia: [crosstalk] I think that -- I think she does that, actually.
Scottie: I do. I work out a lot.
Sylvia: That is what you do. [laughs]
Tyomi: Yep.
Scottie: Oh my god, a lot.
Tyomi: And and also like finding other outlets to express yourself sexually without necessarily having to have a partner there. You know what I mean? Maybe writing erotica, maybe recording some erotic passages on your phone --.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Dead ass you're excited to write an erotic book. [laughs]
Tyomi: Yeah. I mean, because at the end of the day, you can -- there's only so much time you're going to have to masturbate with yourself and have sex with yourself. And there's only so much time you're going to be able to have sex with a partner. And then if you are monogamous and with one partner he ain't gonna be able to keep up. Period. Like --.
Sylvia: Poor man.
Tyomi: That like --
Scottie: But like why? But why not?
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Poor man. Poor man.
Scottie: Jesus.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] Look --
Sylvia: [crosstalk] You know, like the world's smallest violin for him, honestly, in the struggle. [laughs]
Tyomi: [crosstalk] But their bodies, their bodies just are not equipped just naturally to handle that much, especially if he's ejaculating every tim., like a man who retains his seed and knows how to breathe through it and maintains a healthy diet, he can keep going and going and going and going. He can keep up with you. But the average man is not trying like that. The average man doesn't even want to put in the work to be trained like that. That's why I have multiple partners. Like you got me messed up if you think I'm just gonna be with one. I'm non-monogamous. So I'm just like --.
Scottie: Hmm.
Sylvia: Ohh.
Tyomi: I have partners, you know?
Scottie: Okay.
Sylvia: Yes.
Tyomi: And that, And that does it for me. Like because each partner -- it's a different experience. Like, it's not the same with each one. So not saying if you a monogamous person to try to switch, but just finding other ways to express that energy outside of just doing it.
Scottie: Yeah.
Tyomi: And then, you know, put yourself on a sex schedule though, because if it's important to you, then it's like hey, create a sex calendar. And it - talk to your partner about it in advance because he needs to be up on what you have planned. And then if you ex -- if you expand what sex looks like to you. So if you do more outercourse stuff, it can also, like, bring more satisfaction into your life without, like, full on penetration, having to be the end goal. Just like pleasure is the goal. And still feeling the sensations of eroticism, being interacted with and expressed. And it saves him too cause Buddy not gonna be able to keep up. Just not.
Sylvia: It's just -- it's just anatomy, you know.
Scottie: Yeah.
Tyomi: Yeah. I empathize with you because I literally was where you were. Like, feeling like, damn, this shit's preoccuping my mind. And I literally had to put my sexual energy into other things. People be like, Tyomi, you got so much going on. You wanna know why? Because if I didn't have this all going on, I would want to fuck all day, every day. So I need to put this energy into something else so I can be productive.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Yeah. I'm just glad we're normalizing them and having high sex drive. Because men love to act like, it's like, oh --.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] Yo. Cut it out.
Sylvia: I always wanna go and she don't wanna go. And it's like --
Scottie: [crosstalk] Puh --.
Sylvia: Women? It's like I -- women have like I -- like I ideally would have sex daily honestly. So I don't even know what these niggas be complaining about. I'm like who are these -- Where are these people who are not wanting to have sex with you regularly?
Tyomi: This is WAP bothers them so much.
Scottie: Yes.
Tyomi: WAP bothers them so much because it's too empowered ass, sexy ass, fine ass women saying, give me everything you got for this wet ass pussy. Meaning, I've got -- I could keep going. What you got? And then also --.
Sylvia: Leave it all on the floor. [laughs].
Tyomi: And also setting their standards. Meg said, If it don't hang, then he can't bang.
Scottie: [crosstalk] He can't bang. Sorry.
Tyomi: She's saying, I need a certain size in order for you to be on this ride. You can't --.
Scottie: [crosstalk] You can't --
Tyomi: [crosstalk] I ain't gonna ride this shit if it's not at least this -- but I like pain.
Scottie: [crosstalk] You can't hurt my feelings. But I like pain.
Sylvia: And that's that.
Tyomi: I will -- I'll fuck you when -- if I have energy. Cause see, some of these niggas been catching me when I be sleepy. And even then even, even at my 50 --
Sylvia: [crosstalk] I'm not even gonna do this with you [laughter] I'm not even gonna do this with you. I think that the fact that the niggas can't keep up is the perfect way to end this because you hit it right on the head. You can't say it any better. You said what you said.
Tyomi: [crosstalk] I said what I said.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] And that was the truth. And it was the truth.
Tyomi: And call for me if you want to.
Scottie: Hello.
Tyomi: I don't -- I've been in this nine years.
Scottie: [crosstalk] [laughs] Hello.
Tyomi: Nothing you can say is gonna hurt my feelings, Okay. You hurt my feelings, but I like pain.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Okay.
Sylvia: And that's that period. Tyomi, tell us also before we leave, where can people find you and your work? Please tell us so we can make sure that people can find you for more of this -
Tyomi: Yes. So if you want to take advantage of my free stuff because I know how y'all are.
Sylvia: Ooh!
Tyomi: YouTube.com --.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] It's a recession. [laughs]
Tyomi: It is. And even before that.
Scottie: [crosstalk] It's a rec -- in this economy.
Tyomi: And even before that. You know, everybody like free stuff. So YouTube.com/glamerotica101 and my sex ed blog glamerotica101.com. I'm like low-key relaunching on my anniversary date September 7. So I got some sexy content coming out. And also, if you want to book a session with me to work with me one on one, you can do that by using my Calendly booking calendar. So that's calendly.com/pleasurecoachTyomi. And you can look through the different programs that I have there. Discovery calls are really for clients who want to work with me on a longer basis. But then I also have some sessions there that you can book right away. So yeah, come check me out. Also follow me on Instagram @RealGlamazonTyomi and Glamerotica101. And I'm on Twitter. Check me out. And also if you just put Tyomi in Google you will find a lot of stuff.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Girl.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] You there. Okay, thanks so much, sis.
Scottie: Thank you Tyomi.
Tyomi: Thank you ladies.
Scottie: Oh my god I love this. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
[Music In]
Scottie: All right, now is a time where we've put y'all to things we enjoy in hopes that you can to enjoy it. You know what I'm saying? So, Sylvia, what are you recommending to the people dem?
[Music Out]
Sylvia: You know, I want to stay in the lane that our girl put it in, as far as, you know, embracing, being single in a quarantine and that not stopping your sex life and having sex with yourself and like, you know, seducing yourself. And in that vein, I definitely ordered a bunch of Savage X Fenty lingeries for the first time. I don't know why --.
Scottie: Oh!
Sylvia: Only me would wait for the pandemic when I ain't gettin nothing to be like, you know I'm going to do? Order some lingerie. Some sexy bras, some sexy underwear. But I think like to our point like I've been in the house and I think I've just been feeling very like blah. You know what I mean?
Scottie: [crosstalk] Yeah. Yep.
Sylvia: Like especially when you can't like, you know, no -- you know, there's nobody to interact with or a kiss on our touch on and make you feel sexy. So I've been really doing a lot to make myself feel sexy. You know what I mean?
Scottie: Right.
Sylvia: So and I was very pleasantly surprised because I am -- I do have big boobs, right. So I'm always hesitant about ordering lingerie because a lot of times it doesn't really work out for those of us who actually need some support in that area. But Savage X Fenty, I -- like honestly, there's nothing Rihanna can't do is what -- is where I'm at here. Like, I'm like this is some of the best bras I've ever had in my life. Like life.
Scottie: Really?
Sylvia: For my girls who are, you know, you know, size twelve and up and who wear tr -- you know, who may have big booties or big titties like myself, I want y'all to know that you -- Sometimes we are apprehensive to do the popular thing. But Rihanna really did look out for us. I'm not trying to become a Fenty -- Savage X Fenty Ambassador. I'll leave that for my girl, Scottie. [laughs]. I don't tend to post --.
Scottie: [crosstalk] I mean speak it into existence.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Because I don't want to post -- I don't know if you know this about me but I don't tend -- I actually was thinking, like I haven't even post -- ever posted like a, a picture of myself in like a bikini, you know what I mean, or anything like that. I think I did, like, usually do that with like a kimono or something on top but I've never really just even like -- I have friends, like we have friends who are Savage X Fenty ambassadors. And I'm always so like inspired by the women who can just post themselves in lingerie on Instagram. That's not really the -- what my feed or grid is. But maybe the Savage X Fentay will make me, you know, we'll see.
Scottie: [crosstalk] It will. And we --
Sylvia: [crosstalk] My grandmother's on Instagram so it might not. So but we -- [laughs].
Scottie: I mean, it's a little skin. It's a little skin. But I think you should. And I think you should send me the photos first so I can pick which photos I like best. Thank you.
Sylvia: I, of course, would do that, obviously. Yes, Okay. Highly recommend, especially even the comfortable bralettes for just when you're in the house and don't want to wear --because it's gonna be so hard for bras to make a comeback period. But she also has the ones with no wires and all the ones are just super comfy. So.
Scottie: [crosstalk] I love those too.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Check it out. Check It out. Okay, Scottie, how about you? What do you want to recommend or put people on to for our WAP episode?
Scottie: I want to put people on to Black women in hip hop, because, you know --.
Sylvia: Please.
Scottie: This was a great time for Black women in hip hop, it's always a great time. And also she's number one. Cardi's song made number one on Billboard --.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Yeeesss!
Scottie: [crosstalk] So like, again. Here we are. So I want to make sure I uplift and --.
Scottie: [crosstalk] There's some gold plaques in this house.
Scottie: Hello. I want to make sure that I uplift and also speak power behind some Black women who are hard working in this hip hop industry. And they're rappers, too.
Scottie: So bbymutha, Kash Doll, Chika, Little Simz, Tierra Whack, Leikeli47.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Yes.
Scottie: Neelam, Jean Grae, Dreezy -- Dreezy, Dreezy, Dreezy. Flo Milli has a fire project out right now that I love. Noname, of course. And yeah, I think. I think I have -- I think I said what is -- I'm on mine right now. But yeah, there's so many more. I've made a playlist, of course, named Listen to Black Women where I only highlight Black women in music.
Sylvia: Yes.
Scottie: So yeah. Check that out. There's a few on there as well. But yeah, just make sure that you listen to them, uplift them. You know, again, Black women and Black people are not a monolith. So we talk about --.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] We have the range.
Scottie: [crosstalk] Several different things. We have range. We can speak about different topics. And I think all these women speak about something different and something that we can relate to. So I'm for it and I'm never against it. And I'ma fight for it forever. So there's that.
Sylvia: You really do. I love that. You put me on to so many, like Black women in hip hop that I wasn't aware of.
Scottie: Yes.
Sylvia: And that clearly the world isn't aware of because they act like they only can know the three --
Scottie: They only say Rapsody's name. And I love Rapsody.
Sylvia: Love Rapsody.
Scottie: But there are other rappers.
Sylvia: Love her.
[Music In]
Scottie: There are other rappers out here.
Sylvia: That's that. Look them up, girls.
Scottie: There's that.
Sylvia: All right. That's our show. Thank you all for tuning in.
Scottie: Our show is a production of Pineapple's Street Studios in partnership with Netflix and Strong Black Lead. Shout out to our team. Executive Producers are Agarenesh Ashagre and Jasmyn Lawson. Our Lead Producer is Jess Jupiter and our music is by Amanda Jones. Special thanks to Max Linsky and Jenna Weiss-Berman.
Sylvia: Make sure you share your thoughts with us on the episodes using the #okaynowlisten. Also, we love talking to you guys over Twitter and thought that maybe it was time for us to open a mailbag for all of your questions or any topic ideas you may want to hear us discuss. So make sure to tweet us any questions you have using our #okaynowlisten. We can not get you a job at Netflix. Once again I just have to, have to empathize. I don't even have a Netflix email. Like, I can't can't. Small part in the bad bitch at Strong Black Lead. Please remember that. And if you want to send anything longer than a tweet or if you aren't on Twitter or want it to be private, what you want to ask us, feel free to email us your questions at okaynowlisten@pineapple.fm. Also follow strong black lead on the sociales @StrongBlackLead and follow us too. I'm @SylviaObell.
Scottie: And I'm @ScottieBeam.
Sylvia: Until next time folks stay blessed.
Scottie: Bye.
Sylvia: [sings] There's some whores in this house. [laughs].
Scottie: [sings] There's some whores in this house.
Sylvia: [sings] Whores in this house.