We are back, baby! This week, we check-in after our *little* hiatus and chat about our vacation adventures and what we've been binging. Hint: It's been a lot of dating reality shows. Then, we spend some time talking about the representation of Black women on these dating reality shows. We bring on the one and only, Lauren Speed-Hamilton, star of season one of Netflix's Love Is Blind, to expand the conversation even further as she shares her experience being casted and produced for the show.
Scottie (00:00:03):
You're listening to Okay, Now Listen, a biweekly show where we chat about what's on our minds, what we're binging, and what's blowing up our timelines. I'm Scottie Beam, media personality, content creator, music enthusiast, and still a wing connoisseur.
Syliva (00:00:16):
And I'm Sylvia Obell, culture writer, host producer, and I still love me some Beyonce. And I love me some you, Scottie. My sister, I miss you! I miss doing this with you. We're bad.
Scottie (00:00:33):
I missed you so much.
Syliva (00:00:34):
Listen, I didn't know how much I missed hearing you talk about chicken wings until you started reading your intro. I got a little emotional.
Scottie (00:00:39):
Shut up. Oh, we are back. 2022. Happy new year, y'all.
Syliva (00:00:51):
Merry Christmas, Kwanza.
Scottie (00:00:52):
Woo! Merry Christmas!
Syliva (00:00:53):
New Year. Happy Black History Moth. Hope we had a good Valentine's Day.
Scottie (00:00:55):
Happy Black History Month.
Syliva (00:00:58):
Happy Women's Month. Patrick's Day. I know. We know, y'all. We know. Apparently, allegedly, I said a month. I don't recall. I thought I said a month or so. Maybe it was editing. I'm going to blame editing like reality stars on the reunions. I feel like it was the "or so" got edited out for time. Because I didn't know for sure, for sure, what day. We just knew that we were taking a break because we needed to recharge, re-up. Your girls was tired. We're not as young as we used to be. We needed some rest. We were trying to reclaim that soft life y'all won't stop talking about and I regret nothing. How about you, Scottie?
Scottie (00:01:47):
I regret zero. When I say there's nothing that... First of all, I might start doing this more often, by the way. This has taught me... Not maybe three months because-
Syliva (00:01:58):
Yeah, three months was a lot. I feel like the first month and a half was us. The rest was just business. We just needed to get organized and get together.
Scottie (00:02:09):
But that first month was necessary. If you can and have the privilege to take advantage of that... If you can, even if it's not a month or whatever, a week into the new year, spend some time... A lot of times... Like me, I will hit the ground running the next year because there's things to do. It's a new year. I got to... Things to accomplish. But it's okay to delay that workout thing that you have planned. That journey that you got planned for the next month.
Syliva (00:02:43):
The resolutions.
Scottie (00:02:45):
Right. All those resolutions that you made. It's okay to just chill out.
Syliva (00:02:50):
They can still be there in February. Or whenever. I think for me, to your point, I found a way of doing this even when I was working full time. Now, we have the privilege of like... I've never been able to take two full months off. I know, last year, we did January. I feel like, every year, I take a little bit more. A little bit more. But my birthday's in February and stuff, so I was happy to have that time off too. But especially Black History Month. Y'all know how they come at us in Black History Month. It was so nice to pour into myself versus pouring into these brands and these media sites. I poured into me during Black History Month. Me, the Black person that needed it. And I loved that for me. I think there's a balance. Sometimes there's seasons of both. Do it if you can. Use them PTO days. You can't take them with you.
Scottie (00:03:32):
Please, chile. Please. Yeah. I'll never not do... I will literally go in with ease until my dying day.
Syliva (00:03:43):
As long as I can.
Scottie (00:03:44):
I am recharged. As long as I can, chile, I'm going to do it. I feel recharged. Literally, I feel better. I'm happy. I feel like I could take on whatever it is that I have to do now for the remainder of the year. I just feel like, okay, I'm able to think more clearly. There are things that I have decided. I've wrote down certain questions to ask myself to reflect on. Because sometimes reflecting does not take a day. It takes weeks. It takes months to actually reflect and think through things. So I was able to ask myself some very personal questions that I haven't gotten the time to sit down and think about or even journal about.
Syliva (00:04:27):
Or like you say. You say all the time on this podcast. We have to live a little to have things to say to y'all. I don't get my wisdom staying in this booth.
Scottie (00:04:34):
Yes. This podcast is fueled by experiences and we are going to have to live it in order to tell you guys what the fuck's been going on and how we think about it and what we felt about it. Everything is based on experience. We got to experience life. One thing me and Sylvia got to do is go on vacation, chile. We went to Cabo!
Syliva (00:05:00):
Cabo! Cabo San Lucas! We stayed at the Nobu. The influencer's favorite hotel. We said, you know what? We was watching y'all go there when we wasn't allowed to travel and we decided that, as soon as we felt safe enough to do it, we were going to go check that place out. And you know what? It lived up to the... Because not everything on Instagram lives up to what it looks like in real life. They say Instagram reality. No, they measured up. That Nobu? It was the nicest-
Scottie (00:05:36):
There was no filter. I used to think y'all was using the VSCO. I was thinking that y'all was putting on the filters. I went over there. I said, I don't need no damn filter for this.
Syliva (00:05:44):
It's gorgeous! It's the nicest place I have ever stayed in my life. And Scottie Big Meech Larry Hoover Beam was like, "You know what we're going to do? We're going to get one of them rooms with the swim up pool? That's what we going do, chile!" So now this bitch had me being able to... Our room was the cabana. There was no need. It was just like you just open, get out of bed, slide up in the door, and just walk into the pool. You had your own little area outside your door. Baby, just the privacy. The access. The literal access to just pull water. And then people can just come to the pool by your room and give you cocktails. It shouldn't be allowed. I said, "How am I going to go back to having to walk to a pool area? What kind of ghetto stuff is that?" So you mean to tell me now, because Scottie done exposed me to the good life, when I go on my next trip and I got to walk to the pool area through the hallway, I'm going to be like, ugh!
Scottie (00:06:48):
Sylvia and I, we slept. Like I fell asleep.
Syliva (00:06:52):
No, no, no. Y'all. I'm going to tell y'all.
Scottie (00:06:54):
By the pool.
Syliva (00:06:54):
Because I don't want to... No, no, no. Thank you for reminding me. Thank you for reminding me. Let me tell y'all something. Let me tell how much y'all good sister needed a vacation. Y'all girl was so tired... She was so tired that, when we landed and we got to our hotel room... You know we Black, right? So we don't do what? We don't put our outside clothes on the bed. Especially post-flight. We just flew, so we were not about to sit on the bed with our clothes on that we flew in. So Scottie is kneeling on the side of her bed like she about to say in prayer. You know when you're on your phone? But she's kneeling on the side of her bed. She leaned over on it.
Syliva (00:07:35):
I go to use the restroom. I come out. Our good sis fell asleep in prayer... Like in prayer position. Her head is on the bed, but the whole rest of her body is just kneeling on the side of it. And she slept like that for a good hour! At least. I watched a whole episode of Ozark. I watched a whole episode of Ozark while this girl... And I said, what kind of... Why are you this tired? She didn't even have time to get undressed and get in the bed. She was sleeping like she just had a newborn baby at home. I knew she had a newborn puppy, but my girl Nina must have had y'all girl slumped. Literally.
Scottie (00:08:18):
But y'all could tell. The amount of times that I was talking about going away, going on vacation, last season. I know y'all was like, bitch, go somewhere.
Syliva (00:08:26):
Please.
Scottie (00:08:26):
You need to go somewhere.
Syliva (00:08:28):
Do it. She did.
Scottie (00:08:29):
So when I finally got to the place... Especially like before that, they were delaying my flight. They canceled my flight, so I had to take another flight somewhere else. So that was the craziness. But I got on my knees and I said, "Thank you, God." And as soon as I said, "Thank you, God-"
Syliva (00:08:48):
God said, "Rest."
Scottie (00:08:49):
God said, "Rest." Thank you. God said-
Syliva (00:08:51):
"Rest, my child."
Scottie (00:08:52):
"Go ahead and rest, baby." Because, chile, I was out and I got to rest the whole time. Sometimes... You know how there's people you travel with who do everything? Like, bitch, sit down. Y'all doing-
Syliva (00:09:05):
I am not that person.
Scottie (00:09:07):
... ATVs. Y'all doing-
Syliva (00:09:09):
Trail hikes, excursions through the jungle, jumping off waterfalls. Hey, more life to you. You know what I mean? More life to all of you.
Scottie (00:09:20):
That's me. That's me.
Syliva (00:09:20):
That's Scottie. I am a let's lay by the pool and drink. I'm here for the leisure. I'm here for the rest and the relaxation.
Scottie (00:09:28):
And that first time that I got to have that rest vacation was with Sylvia. Sylvia was like, "I'm going to sit here and you're going to sit here and you're going to rest."
Syliva (00:09:39):
This resort, we got everything we need.
Scottie (00:09:40):
Because I will swim all day.
Syliva (00:09:43):
We got everything we need at this resort.
Scottie (00:09:43):
Order your food and sit down. And I was... ooh.
Syliva (00:09:47):
I was like Inventing Anna in that bitch. Why we got to leave the hotel? Why we got to leave? That was me. And then, Scottie, tell them about the whales. Tell them about the whales.
Scottie (00:09:57):
Oh my gosh. Guys, we saw whales. So, first of all, they started off with saying we might see them. We might. It's a might situation. Don't get excited, but enjoy the sea. Enjoy the ocean. So that's what we did and it was beautiful. But then those little blowholes started to like pop out and we saw them-
Syliva (00:10:21):
The ones with the spouts.
Scottie (00:10:23):
And then we got so close-
Syliva (00:10:25):
They were so close.
Scottie (00:10:25):
... to the whales. I cried. I teared up. Because I... Just like Sylvia said, look what God made.
Syliva (00:10:32):
Look what he made.
Scottie (00:10:32):
All of this.
Syliva (00:10:33):
Freed all the Willys.
Scottie (00:10:33):
I can be here. Yes, all the Willys. Show out to Will Will. All of them. Well, Willyas because it was mad females in there. So shout out to y'all having y'all babies in there. That's why they go over there too, by the way. They go to have their kids.
Syliva (00:10:53):
They go to Cabo to have their kids in luxury, I guess. I get it, girl. The views are beautiful. So that was... We had an amazing trip.
Scottie (00:10:55):
It was a beautiful experience. I love everything about boats and I love everything about water. I think water calms me.
Syliva (00:11:05):
Same.
Scottie (00:11:06):
Water helps me think through things. Hopefully, in my older years, I'll be able to be closer to water, where I'll be able to reflect and just live my life at ease. I think that's what really puts my life at ease, my thoughts and heart at ease, is water. So yeah. That was just a beautiful experience. I absolutely loved it. I loved going with you. Also, be very intentional with who you take on these trips.
Syliva (00:11:37):
Yes! I think it was really such a good... I was like, this is really going to be a good bonding trip for us, but also it was a test of friendship too. It was our first international trip together and it was not a group. It was just us. And that hires the stakes. That makes it even easier that somebody could get on your nerves because you don't got a lot of people. You can't go from this person to this person to this person. It's just us. And we shared a room. I was like, you know what? This really my sister. This is one of my... This is my best friend. Because we really did it. We survived and we missed each other even after. So much so that she followed me to LA, y'all. Don't let her tell you any different. Next thing I knew, she was back in LA with me. I said, wow, didn't get enough, huh? I see you, girl. There was a little snow storm or whatever, but of course it was because of me, guys.
Syliva (00:12:25):
And y'all was mad at us. I saw. Y'all was watching our little pictures, waiting for us to come back. That's when y'all started yelling. Y'all saw about one ocean and said, "Enough." We won't spend as much time on all the other things that we've been up to because we got a show to do, but yes. I think for me, this season of our lives, I really love that... There's years that you pour out and there's years that pour back into you and I feel like this is one that we're reaping the pouring in. We've done a lot of pouring out. I feel like we're getting poured into a lot in this season. This season and this year. I'm excited to see what comes from it. The girls are working. We're back and we're going to do big things.
Scottie (00:13:05):
The girls are working.
Syliva (00:13:06):
We're going to do big things, y'all.
Scottie (00:13:08):
Yeah. Yeah. I 100% RT everything that you said. I am excited to talk about all the things. Especially things that we will experience this year. There will be new things to talk about and new topics to talk about, so I'm happy to get that ball rolling. Because one thing that hasn't changed is me watching these goddamn dating reality shows just so that they could me piss me off because that's what they do every time.
Syliva (00:13:40):
She really be... I was like, I don't know why you do this to yourself.
Scottie (00:13:43):
But I be watching.
Syliva (00:13:43):
And then she drags me in it so then we're doing it to ourselves.
Scottie (00:13:47):
I was about to say. And then I drag Sylvia in it because I want her too to be upset so that we can be upset together and we can text each about how upset we are.
Syliva (00:13:57):
We're friends like these, y'all, I say. Scottie will be like, "No, no, no, no. I need you to watch it so you can tell me if I'm crazy. Am I crazy or are they crazy?" And I'm like, "So now you want me crazy and help you decipher the..." Am I crazy? Literally, every time she come to me with an "Am I crazy?," I don't know where it's going to go. It could go a myriad of places, but it's always a fun ride. And then, like I said, I get to be the fool getting dragged along every time. Like all right, yeah, let's go. Let's see. But I'm right there with you.
Syliva (00:14:29):
You're the reason why I am pissed every... What day does Married at First Sight come on? I don't even know. Thursday, I think. Every freaking Thursday, I curse Scottie's name because I had avoided this show for years, but then the Chris and Paige season had gotten me for obvious reasons. The whole damn Okay, Now Listen team was like, "Girl, go watch Married at First Sight." So, now, here I am again, thinking, maybe that was just one crazy season, right? It can't... And I mean, finding out that the husband that you were matched with had a baby, but didn't have a baby and... That is... I think that was quite wild even for Married at First Sight. But this season has not failed to disappoint with the foolery. I want to know why the Black men that these experts pick are so terrible. Like why... Olanigga? What's his name? I've been calling him Olanigga because he been pissing me off. He doesn't deserve-
Scottie (00:15:28):
I think Olajuwon.
Syliva (00:15:29):
He don't deserve the respect of me saying his full name. I be like, Olanigga... He has-
Scottie (00:15:33):
He has lost his motherfucking mind. I could not wait for you to get to finish those episodes because-
Syliva (00:15:42):
For those of you who watch the show and know who we're talking about, in Married at First Sight, it's when the people agree... They get matched with a husband right away on the aisle and they get married the very first episode and then they have to live together.
Scottie (00:15:52):
It's like Love is Blind with an altar.
Syliva (00:15:54):
And you don't get to pick for yourself. They're picked for you. There is no... You come in, the experts have picked somebody for you, and that's why people be mad. Because they're like, I thought y'all were experts. I thought y'all-
Scottie (00:16:09):
After this season... Hey, I want y'all to sit down and figure out-
Syliva (00:16:14):
We're going to have to have a conversation with these experts because I don't know what's happening.
Scottie (00:16:18):
How much y'all be experting?
Syliva (00:16:19):
What's happening? First of all, I didn't know... Like I said, Ola... What's his name? Ola wants somebody to cook for him all the time. Juwon. If he tells this girl... What's his wife's name? Bless her heart. What's her name? I need to free her.
Scottie (00:16:31):
Bless her heart. And that's going to be her name. Bless her heart.
Syliva (00:16:33):
Bless her heart. Olajuwon and Katina. Katina, bless her heart. If I was Katina... The experts look surprised when Olajuwon was like, "I need somebody to cook every day." They said, "You never mentioned that in any of your interviews." Suddenly, that's all this man cares about from this Black woman. Is she cooking? Is she cleaning? And if she's not, he's demeaning her and he's tearing her down. Let me tell y'all something. She's better than me because you wouldn't feel safe eating my food if you kept talking to me like that. You wouldn't.
Scottie (00:17:03):
And after, by the way, that Katina said, "I've been verbally abused, emotionally abused-"
Syliva (00:17:09):
Talk about it
Scottie (00:17:10):
... by men in the past," you go right behind that and do the same thing them niggas did to her because you know that you're going to get your positive reaction that you want. You know that she's going to just want to do whatever makes you happy. You know that's the result that you'll get so you manipulate that. I can't stand that nigga. Throw him back to the White people. This is his first Black girl, by the way, so throw him back.
Syliva (00:17:44):
You can have him.
Scottie (00:17:45):
Please.
Syliva (00:17:45):
There's a lot of times when Black men talk like that. What they don't realize it is we're like, you can have him. Spare us. Spare us the violence
Scottie (00:17:54):
Throw him right back into the sea.
Syliva (00:17:56):
Throw him right back where he want to go. So Married at First Sight is going in the hate category for me right now. Like I'm watching it... I love the show because it's the craziness. I need my reality dating shows with a dash of crazy, right?
Scottie (00:18:08):
I need all crazy, but I need a dash of love to make me believe that love.
Syliva (00:18:13):
Yeah, something to root for it. But what Netflix is giving us-
Scottie (00:18:18):
Baby!
Syliva (00:18:19):
... is this new show-
Scottie (00:18:21):
Baby!
Syliva (00:18:21):
... that y'all are about to tune... It comes out April 6th. The Ultimatum. Let me tell y'all something about what Netflix has coming y'all way. Stress. I am Regina Hall. Put fire in the background! It's like they said, "You know what? You guys are looking for more healthy situations? No, what we have is drama."
Scottie (00:18:48):
We don't have health.
Syliva (00:18:49):
They said turn it up. They said turn it up! Turn up the mess. Y'all, the premise? The premise is so crazy that I just believe that anybody who signs up for this show is crazy to begin with. They have couples and, essentially, it's all the women. There's going to be one man. But in each couple, the woman has given an ultimatum. She wants to be married. And for various reasons, her partner does not want to be married so they're issuing an ultimatum. The way that this show, this crazy ass show, decides to help them decide if they're with the person they want to be, they have to break up, date the rest of the cast for a week... So everybody there comes as the couple. Then you date... Every couple breaks up and you date everybody else's partners. In front of their face! And then you sit down and you pick who you want to do to the trial marriage with.
Syliva (00:19:43):
They, for three weeks, have to live with somebody in a very pressed, escalated marriage scenario. Like, they're meeting family. They're meeting friends. They're doing exercises. They live together. All of these things for three weeks. That's not their partner. And then they're supposed to go back to their partner, do three weeks with them, and then they decide. Do you want to stay with your partner or do you not want to? As if the idea of like... and I think every girl on the show thinks he's going to see how great I am when he sees some other chick and then he's going to know I'm the one. And baby, baby, baby, baby. That is not... It's like chaos ensues.
Scottie (00:20:26):
Yeah, right, because they also... Just to make sure y'all know, you are seeing the woman who is now with your ex-boyfriend. Like y'all are having dinner together. Y'all are talking about has he improved or what his growth looks like or what kind of person he is like you haven't been dating him for two and a half years. So you get these reports about how your man is doing.
Syliva (00:20:53):
Or your ex-man.
Scottie (00:20:53):
Baby, that right there!
Syliva (00:20:55):
Let me tell you something. Couldn't be me.
Scottie (00:20:59):
Couldn't do it. Couldn't do it. Couldn't do it.
Syliva (00:21:00):
If I ever saw a show that couldn't be me more... Just when I thought they couldn't create a new show that would be so much... I said, no, put it at the top of list.
Scottie (00:21:07):
So far from me.
Syliva (00:21:08):
Put it at the top of the list. Put it at the top of the list. Because one thing about me... Dating my man in front of my face? In front of my face?
Scottie (00:21:16):
And then talking about him like I don't know him. We're going to have a problem. See, I'm one of the girls who likes to tussle. So we're going to tussle. You bring up my man's name at any point.
Syliva (00:21:31):
And I'm not an easily... I'm not the one... I don't eat tussle easily. But one thing about me, if I'm in love, it can be a little territorial.
Scottie (00:21:43):
What Will Smith say?
Syliva (00:21:46):
I don't know if we want to quote Will right now.
Scottie (00:21:48):
Love make you do some crazy things.
Syliva (00:21:54):
I should have placed a bet, y'all. I should have placed a bet. Can we make it through this recording without mentioning Will Smith? Scottie would've lost because you had to do it. You to do it. You had to bring this up.
Scottie (00:22:09):
I'm just saying. I needed a quote. But baby, we'd be tussling. We would.
Syliva (00:22:12):
You slapping?
Scottie (00:22:13):
Keep my nigga's name out your fucking mouth. Keep him out your mouth.
Syliva (00:22:17):
Keep my man's name out your motherfucking mouth! We're not saying we would be right about it and we're not saying we would be wrong about it.
Scottie (00:22:30):
But I would be about it. One thing about me, I'm going to be about it.
Syliva (00:22:35):
One thing about us is that you know...
Scottie (00:22:38):
About it.
Syliva (00:22:39):
Yeah.
Scottie (00:22:41):
Wait until y'all watch that. And we want all the tweets. We want all the tweets.
Syliva (00:22:45):
Please at us. Because we warned you. Say Sylvia and Scottie, Scottie and Sylvia, warned us and they didn't lie because it's chaos.
Scottie (00:22:53):
Who you think you're going to be rooting for in the beginning will not be the person. Let me just say that and then I'm going to drop it.
Syliva (00:23:00):
I don't know. I just think, for me, what's crazy about it is there's just no order to it. There's no order about... Like there's no synergy in who's picking what and what's picking who, so it's like a bad game of musical chairs. Somebody's getting embarrassed. At every checkpoint. And I hate it. The secondhand embarrassment is too much. I mean, I loved it. It was in my veins. Like we watched it... Scottie watched hers in one day. The only reason I didn't watch all of it in one day was because I had other work to do. But baby! Eating it up. I can't wait for y'all to see the chaos and just the moment when you realize that everybody regretted coming on it. It was like Squid Games, but not that. You know like when they locked the doors on Squid Games and it's like, I didn't know this was... I didn't know.
Scottie (00:23:44):
Yo. Because everybody thought-
Syliva (00:23:45):
You see all of them realize that they fucked up by coming on.
Scottie (00:23:48):
They thought they was the prize. Everybody was the prize, chile.
Syliva (00:23:51):
Everybody can't be the prize and that's the hard fact about life. Not everybody can be the prize. And they over here... So, y'all, I cannot wait. It's chaos. I don't know what masochist came up with this idea at Netflix. Mastermind. Mastermind, you are. But you're sick.
Scottie (00:24:09):
We love drama. Whoever you are, I don't even know what sits here-
Syliva (00:24:12):
You love mess.
Scottie (00:24:14):
... in your mind, but baby.
Syliva (00:24:15):
Whoever crafted the outline...
Scottie (00:24:18):
Because I don't think ultimatums work anyway. I don't know. But you got to watch the end of the season, Sylvia.
Syliva (00:24:25):
The only thing they work about is you're going to get an answer. You may not get the answer you want, but it will speed up. You're speeding up an answer. You will get an answer.
Scottie (00:24:33):
People go in with the wrong idea of what an ultimatum is and they think oh-
Syliva (00:24:38):
All it does it gets you an answer.
Scottie (00:24:39):
... it's going to get me what I want. No, no, no, baby. It's going to get you, right, an answer.
Syliva (00:24:43):
An answer. It's a 50/50. It's a gamble.
Scottie (00:24:45):
Be prepared for the answer. And they weren't prepared.
Syliva (00:24:49):
It's like when you have a job and you show them the offer that you got for another job and they can either raise the price for you to match it or tell you, well, guess you're going to go to that other job, but like relationships. It's like ultimatums don't... Baby, they don't work. And that's across the board of races. There's Black women on here this season, y'all are going to see them, and it's going to interesting. I can't wait to talk maybe more about the race relations there once y'all have caught up on that.
Syliva (00:25:18):
I don't think I'd ever do any reality show. We've both been asked to be a part of reality dating shows before and we both declined. But I might consider... The next show I want us to talk about is Netflix's own Love Is Blind. At least with Love Is Blind, you have some say in the matter in the sense of like you are the one interviewing these people in booths versus an expert. I feel like I have more power. I'm in the booths. I don't know what they look like, but I'm able to talk and weed out for myself if somebody is good for me. And then also you have that trial time living together before you actually have to get married.
Syliva (00:25:56):
And so it just doesn't seem... It seems way less of an ease in... It's still a crazy experience and I do think I don't know if I could really do a thing where I can't look at the person I'm talking to. And it's both ways. I need who's dating me to know what I look like. I need you to know because I don't want to deal with the surprise of you not knowing or thinking I look different than what you built in your head. My self-esteem ain't that strong yet. I just am not... I have good self-esteem, but the way that the... When things go left for some of these people on the show like poor Deepti. Bless her heart. Deepti ain't deserve what she went through with Shake. I couldn't survive.
Scottie (00:26:38):
It's on sight for Shake. It's still on sight.
Syliva (00:26:42):
It's still on sight for shake. Mallory did not think Sal was attractive. She didn't.
Scottie (00:26:47):
I thought Sal was attractive, too. I thought Sal was sweet and cute. Handsome.
Syliva (00:26:51):
I think she has her type.
Scottie (00:26:53):
Yeah, I know. I hear her. But yeah, I would do the same thing. I would ruin the whole show because I would sit there and be like, hey, I got big ass thighs that ain't going nowhere. I've got this big hair. I'm dark skinned. So, hey. You want to date?
Syliva (00:27:11):
I just need [crosstalk 00:27:13] now because what I don't want to do is to fall for somebody only for me to find out that they aren't attracted to me. Let's get that out the way up top.
Scottie (00:27:19):
But it was the composure that Deepti had that I true really hope and aspire to-
Syliva (00:27:24):
A queen.
Scottie (00:27:24):
... because the way that she knew all this information. She made me believe, sitting there getting her makeup done, that she was going to say yes. I said, oh my God. Please, somebody, tell her, Jesus. I thought they were going to have somebody in the middle of the wedding say, "Hey! This is..." Something. But for her to say absolutely fucking not.
Syliva (00:27:46):
With a smile on her-
Scottie (00:27:47):
No. I'm not doing it.
Syliva (00:27:48):
Got all dressed up.
Scottie (00:27:49):
And embarrass this man in front of all his little White friends that he thinks are so important. When I say chicken soup for the soul? It's what I needed to keep going.
Syliva (00:28:03):
Inject it in my veins, baby.
Scottie (00:28:04):
That was what I wanted.
Syliva (00:28:05):
It felt like I was in church. I stood up and did a praise break because that's the energy, baby. I hope y'all watched it and I hope y'all learned something from this.
Scottie (00:28:16):
I don't want no nigga that's unsure about me in any way... Unsure and just talks shit about me all the time. My appearance, what I went through-
Syliva (00:28:28):
Not knowing if I'm good enough. Nope. None of that. None of that. We don't care.
Scottie (00:28:30):
You think I'm going to live that... I'm not living that reality. No! I don't have to.
Syliva (00:28:34):
Partly what we want to talk about here is, like, we love the White mess. Sometimes it's fun. But the Black women on these shows, we don't like how they play about them. And so I want to use that to transition into Iyanna and Jarrette. Because my sweet baby angel, Iyanna. I was very much protect Iyanna at all costs.
Scottie (00:28:59):
Yo. Something made me want to protect that lady.
Syliva (00:29:02):
I just wanted to... You know what it was? I'll tell you the exact scene. Here's the only reason why I allow Jarrette. Like I'm her mother. The only reason why I allow Jarrette to marry her, as if I had to say, is because unlike Shane and Natalie and them, Jarrette was honest with her in the booth. Like in the thing. He said, "Hey, I proposed to this person. I'm not going to hide that. I not going to pretend. This happened, but I would like..." Y'all were there. Y'all saw it. It was the scene where she had to take that news in and then she left the room and she couldn't even walk back and she fell to her knees. When Iyanna fell to her knees, the way I wanted to scoop her into my bosom-
Scottie (00:29:47):
Stand up!
Syliva (00:29:48):
... and tell her, "Stand up!"
Scottie (00:29:52):
Stand up!
Syliva (00:29:53):
You can make it that room. Don't you fall apart in front of this television. Make it back to the room. But I knew. Every woman knew what that felt like. That break where you can't even make it. Just that disappointment. When that disappointment... Whatever the reason may be. Obviously, we're not all on reality shows, but when a man that you feel like you have a future with disappoints you in a big way and you have to make decision are you going to stay or go...
Scottie (00:30:23):
Also, the heaviness of realizing or thinking that you're not enough. Like you-
Syliva (00:30:29):
Or second choice.
Scottie (00:30:30):
Right. Second choice. That it wasn't enough to be first. Some people just want to be first. I want to be first. Because of ego or whatever it is. But not being first will make you think, damn, I just wasn't enough. I was giving it my all. I was myself. I was being true to who I am and it still wasn't enough. That can get heavy. You don't even want to walk no more. You just get on your knees and be like, chile.
Syliva (00:30:56):
That's what she did. When she got on her knees, I said, oh, baby, get up. No, get up! Because it is just that. And then for those of us watching, they obviously didn't know whether they were playing parts in it, but the triggering optics of it being a Black man. The Black woman being chosen second. And then the woman who was chosen first was a Latina woman. And so it brings up all of those color... all of those races... All of those things. It's all in there in one triggering ass episode.
Syliva (00:31:27):
What I will give their experience is that... Because of what I'm used to when it comes to watching Black women on reality shows not get picked, not get chosen, be dismissed, be told they're not this enough or that enough, I am always ready to watch a Black woman and get disappointed on these shows and I hate that for me and I hate that for all of us. Because of that, I was like, Iyanna, run. Run. Don't go back. Don't say yes. Don't match with him. Leave. Don't do it. And then when she did do it, I was... When they first met, it was a beautiful, cute moment, but I was so nervous. I was saying... I was like, okay. But when he see Mallory, what he going to do? What he going to do when he see Mallory? Because I was preconditioned to know that he's going to do something to make this girl-
Scottie (00:32:17):
Make her look crazy.
Syliva (00:32:19):
And he did do, he did do, he did do, at the bar. He did do at the bar when he got a little too much dip on his chip. Because he saw Sal and then he saw himself and he saw Mallory not really being into Sal and he had too much dip on his chip and was like, "Yeah, I would've known the color of your ring. I would've done this for you. I would've done that. But you ain't picked me." It's like, dawg, Iyanna is here. Don't do that. Don't do that. No, no, no, no, no. So what I feared was going to happen was going to of it happened, but then as the season went on, he really stuck beside her. He stuck beside Iyanna. They had probably, once they moved in with each other to the wedding, the least amount of issues compared to all the other couples. He went out, she likes to stay in. Those are common things.
Scottie (00:33:17):
Introvert, extrovert.
Syliva (00:33:18):
Those are common things. Seeing his family made me like him more because I love... When he came to his parents' house and they was grilling, I said, ah, that's the black family right there. But the daddy was like, "I'm going to marry y'all." His sister was cool. All of these things. And then they actually said... both said yes. At the reunion I was holding my breath, baby. I was holding my breath. But then there they were and they're matching red and they were still... They're still together. Just as we were recording this yesterday, I saw them post this nasty little picture up in the elevator together. And I said, you know what? This is not what I would've done. And I don't know. Time... I feel like I'm still always half holding my breath, but I will say that I didn't see it working out this long for them and I'm happy for her. I'm happy for her and maybe she's teaching me something about writing things off.
Scottie (00:34:07):
Well, what I did realize is that your story of finding love will be different. It will be different. Sometimes you have to accept the fact that your journey will not be... What? The Cinderella story or whatever story it is-
Syliva (00:34:26):
Yeah, it's not a fairytale.
Scottie (00:34:26):
... that we have stuck to. Right. It's just not a fairytale.
Syliva (00:34:27):
Yeah. Talk about it.
Scottie (00:34:30):
So it's like realizing, which is part of the triggering part and the part that's like... It was our traumas showing our its asses. Especially during that part. Like when he didn't pick her first-
Syliva (00:34:46):
It was like he didn't pick all of us.
Scottie (00:34:46):
... I hated it. Right. He didn't pick all of us. And that's how I felt. I was angry about it. I was mad about it. I was mad that she said yes. I was pissed about it.
Syliva (00:34:56):
I was like noooo!
Scottie (00:34:56):
I was like, this is it. I fucking hate this. Blah, blah, blah, blah. I was mad about it because I knew... I just thought that from there it was downhill. You're going to treat her like a second choice and I don't like that. I just knew in my eyes and also in everybody else's eyes that it would be like Black women, the second choice. You know what I'm saying? So when that happened, I was angry about it, but I have to realize... Even for my own story, sometimes I have this idea. Some of them are just ideas, guys, of what you want your love story to look like and it won't match that exactly. Exactly is what I'm saying. It will look similar, somewhat, kind of, but to match it exactly? Baby, it's not realistic.
Syliva (00:35:46):
God be like, you really think you're me? That's God to y'all. You really think you're me? I'm the one. I'm the one writing this story, not you.
Scottie (00:35:53):
Right. And that's what I've realized. It's a very humbling experience.
Syliva (00:35:57):
It's very humbling.
Scottie (00:35:59):
Very humbling. But sometimes you have to let it go and let it take its course.
Syliva (00:36:06):
We don't like to do that.
Scottie (00:36:07):
Baby, I got a problem with it still to this day. I called Sylvia. I'm like, "I can't control this and it's driving me crazy. Because this is where my journey is supposed to go. This is how it's supposed to go." The joke is like, when you start to make plans, what? God laughs. You tell him your plans, God laughs. But I know God be kiki-ing. When I say God-
Syliva (00:36:30):
A whole comedy.
Scottie (00:36:30):
God be telling stand-up. Netflix is a joke.
Syliva (00:36:36):
Stand-up special.
Scottie (00:36:37):
Special. Right there is God saying, now, look what this girl did today. She thought she could tell me or make plans, but we have to let it go. And so, with that story, I really did, until that Mallory part, which I know. I get it. There are going to be problems in a relationship. You got these cameras in your face. You better act right. You making my girl look crazy, which makes all of us look motherfucking crazy.
Syliva (00:37:08):
It's the way we really were. It was all of us.
Scottie (00:37:10):
Ooh, I was mad about it.
Syliva (00:37:11):
And that's why when he... That apology at the reunion. When he said, "I'm sorry for making you look crazy." That's the blackest apology I've ever heard. We all understood it. We all understood it because my one rule... What's our one rule in relationships? Don't have me out here looking crazy. Don't have me looking crazy. That's it. It covers a lot of ground.
Scottie (00:37:32):
My make prayer every night. Hey, God. Thank you for the relationship.
Syliva (00:37:37):
As you lay me down to sleep, I pray to my soul to keep. And if I die before I wake, please don't have this nigga out here making me look crazy.
Scottie (00:37:45):
Please don't have this nigga out here making me look crazy. So you just got to trust. I figured she trusts him, and then when she saw that... I just was like, when she sees this, this is going to, break her heart. I was very protective over her for some reason.
Syliva (00:37:58):
We were. No, it was instinctual big sister and it's just because it was like she represented a part of us that we all wanted to protect. And that's why I was like, as long... I said, well, Jarrette, as long as you keep Iyanna happy, you can live. I'll let you live. Make one tear roll down that girl's eyes in front of me and we fighting.
Scottie (00:38:18):
We got a problem.
Syliva (00:38:19):
But I'm going to hold back out of respect for my girl, Iyanna. That's your husband. I'm going to root for y'all because it's what she wants.
Scottie (00:38:25):
And that's what I had to realize during the reunion.
Syliva (00:38:26):
And that's what she deserves.
Scottie (00:38:27):
During the reunion-
Syliva (00:38:28):
I'm like, it's what she wants.
Scottie (00:38:28):
... everybody was talking me down like, hey, we got to let her love. Let her do... And I'm sure that's how-
Syliva (00:38:37):
And she's getting it. It seems like she's getting it.
Scottie (00:38:37):
Yes, and that's all I could wish for and I could hope for. A lot of our traumas were riddled in that though. I think a lot of us was like, hey, run away. Run. Go. Leave. Don't look back.
Syliva (00:38:51):
Harriet Tubman the shit out of this. Get on out of here.
Scottie (00:38:54):
Get out.
Syliva (00:38:55):
But no, it's because... To our point about what we want to talk about more in this episode is we're used to seeing Black women get embarrassed on any of the reality television, whether we started out with Flavor of Love to The Bachelor. To shows like The Bachelor and everything in the gamut. We have competition shows where, first of all, we had to struggle to even see ourselves there and then we still don't have diversity within that diversity. We just have only the ultimate pageant queen, top 10 acceptable kind of Black women on these shows. And then we got shows where the whole cast is Black and I thought, okay, maybe now. Maybe now that everybody's Black, we won't have to deal with that. But then you remember. Oh, I forgot. Some of these niggas hate us. My bad. Silly me. Tricks are for kids. I forgot that some of these niggas hate us. So now that's where you get the Paiges and Chrises on Married at First Sight. That's where you get the Olajuwons and the Katinas.
Scottie (00:39:58):
There's so much there and I want so much more for Black people and dating reality shows, period. I would like to see more Black people. I want everybody to have their dating shows, but I feel like we've had everybody else have their dating shows for the last fucking 30 years. I would like to see Black people be the majority of these reality shows. Of these dating reality shows. So that's all I'm saying. I would like more of these things and also more people open to growth and going outside of what they usually date and be like-
Syliva (00:40:38):
More flexible. You came here to do a new experience. Do it. Commit. Commit to the process, although sometimes it's harder than it seems and I get that... I mean, than it looks, but that's the thing. Yeah. So I get that and I really do hope that we get that. We do want to get a little deeper into what Black women have to endure to find love on these shows and so we wanted to bring on one of the few Black women we saw actually have a great experience on one of these shows. Like one of the first examples I felt of watching a Black woman get loved on properly on reality television. And so that is Lauren Speed-Hamilton from season one of Love is Blind.
Scottie (00:41:26):
That girl.
Syliva (00:41:26):
So let's welcome Lauren to the show!
Scottie (00:41:33):
We are here with the first... It's crazy. 2022, we still got first. The first Black woman who made us believe that love is truly blind and has the receipts to prove it. We're here with Lauren Speed-Hamilton.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:41:50):
Period!
Scottie (00:41:51):
Girl!
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:41:51):
Hey ladies!
Scottie (00:41:51):
You look good.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:41:54):
Oh, y'all look good. You look blessed.
Scottie (00:41:56):
You look blessed. You're moisturized.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:41:59):
Yes. Hydrating.
Scottie (00:42:00):
You're glowing. So to start off, every interview, we make sure that we ask how is your heart? Especially during these times. How are you feeling?
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:42:11):
You know what? I'm feeling good. I'm feeling good. I think that, for me, this year has been all about balance, which is kind of balancing my work career goals with my self care, self love, being sure I'm taking the time that I need for my breaks and just to breathe and meditate and all that, girl, and sit in the room by myself with the door closed and lights off if I need. I'm doing all of that, so that's really helped me. Taking my vitamins, sis. Drinking my water. So I'm good. I'm good.
Scottie (00:42:41):
Yes to the vitamins. Yes to the water.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:42:44):
I definitely realized I needed vitamins.
Syliva (00:42:46):
Especially during COVID. I started heavy on the zinc, the vitamin C, D, all that. But we are so excited to have you on today. This episode, we've been chatting about dating reality shows, but more specifically the representation of Black women on reality shows. What was the first dating reality show you remember watching and what was the representation of Black women like as you remember it?
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:43:11):
Wow. The first dating reality show... I actually remember Flavor of Love. Growing up, watching that, seeing that. Representation-wise, I mean, that show was pretty much... It was a hot mess as we all know, but I will say New York, Tiffany Pollard, she stood out. She has a big personality. I definitely remember seeing her being herself. Although, it was definitely some cattiness on that show between the women. But that's always stood out to me. Even with my opportunity with reality TV. Just seeing Black women in different reality shows and how they were portrayed really made me, going into this situation, be kind of hyper aware of just everything. I won't get too ahead of myself. But definitely, I remember seeing I Love New York on Flavor of Love and the other ladies. Delicious and all of them.
Scottie (00:44:15):
I remember Next. Do you remember Next?
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:44:17):
Oh, yes! The bus.
Syliva (00:44:20):
[crosstalk 00:44:20].
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:44:22):
Yes! Oh man. I forgot about that.
Scottie (00:44:23):
Room Raiders.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:44:25):
Oh, Room Raiders was crazy.
Scottie (00:44:27):
Parent Control.
Syliva (00:44:28):
You talking MTV era.
Scottie (00:44:32):
Yeah because that's all they had at one point. They had all dating shows and all I saw was White people. Like I didn't really see a lot of... It would be like one Black person and they would get eliminated as soon as they touched the screen, chile. As soon as they touched the screen.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:44:47):
Facts.
Syliva (00:44:48):
Not much has changed.
Scottie (00:44:52):
Right. Obviously, you have your personal experiences, which we'll get into in a bit. But do you remember how you felt watching these shows prior to being on one? How did that make you feel?
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:45:03):
Oh man. I mean, specific shows that I watched, like with your Love and Hip Hops and stuff like that, watching it... In honesty, it didn't make me feel the best. I mean, of course, these shows are entertaining, but watching any kind of train wreck or a dumpster on fire can be entertaining.
Scottie (00:45:25):
Hard to look away.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:45:27):
Right. That doesn't necessarily mean that it's good per se or a great representation of women or a whole culture. But yeah, in a lot of different aspects, it was just kind of unbelievable to see that this was on TV and that it was just kind of repetitive. Because I feel like I was always waiting for the girl to come in who I felt like reminded me of me or that I could really relate to and she never came in. It was just always this perception of like, you have to be catty or you have to be loud or you got to fight or you better throw that drink, girl. It's like, oh, where's the girl that's going to come in and just be like goofy and fun? Where is she at? That was so rare to see and still kind of rare. Well, now I feel like it's definitely gotten better. We have the mes and the Issa Raes and Iyannas. I love how we're kind of making this transition into Black women being comfortable being themselves in a reality setting as well.
Syliva (00:46:24):
Yeah, and I'm glad you just transferred into that because we were going to ask how do you think they've improved? And so you mentioned yourself. You mentioned Iyanna. We're mentioning a lot of Netflix shows helping with the improvement.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:46:34):
Yeah, sure. Yeah. Definitely. Absolutely.
Scottie (00:46:38):
Letting us know that there's not one type of black woman.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:46:40):
Right. That is the key.
Syliva (00:46:43):
Not one type of Black woman. I think what helps with that is the addition of shows that are even exclusively black. So then it's not the situation... Like the Ready to Loves and the shows where it's like you're not competing to be against these people with all completely different looks of you or having it be like, do you want to be in an interracial... Like all of these things that come with being the one Black girl on the competition show full of traditional beauty standards and all of these things.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:47:11):
Absolutely. Absolutely. I definitely agree with that. When it comes to, like you said, Ready to Love and it's just like, now, it's... Ah. Ah. It's like representation. A smorgasbord of us. Like you said, it's not just one type of black girl. So I love to see that. I love to see that. That representation is so important, man.
Syliva (00:47:34):
I think what's also interesting about the representation, though, is it kind of shows us that some of the problems as far as that Black women face on reality television go further than just, well, do you want to be with the Black girl? Because then we have these Black couples and they're dealing with even additional layers to it. I think sometimes, like ready to Love or when they match Black couples on Married at First Sight, we're seeing the extra things or expectations or things that people have to go through.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:48:03):
I agree. I definitely agree. Even like you said with shows like, say, The Bachelor or Bachelorette, it was usually only, like you said, the one Black girl, one Black guy, and like you said, usually they would get kicked off within the first-
Scottie (00:48:16):
She was out of here.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:48:16):
... couple weeks for whatever reason.
Scottie (00:48:19):
Oh, they'll keep her on for a week or two.
Syliva (00:48:20):
Just for affirmative action.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:48:23):
At least a week just to... Right. They can't kick her off immediately because-
Syliva (00:48:24):
It's in the clause.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:48:28):
Right. At least make it to the second episode and then. But definitely. So I love you to see, like you said, the layers of seeing actual Black couples, multiple Black couples, and kind of layering in what not only you have to go through as an individual, but now together as a couple. What do Black couples have to go through? What is different about our experience as Black people than everybody else on, say, like The Bachelor and even interracial couples. You know what I'm saying?
Scottie (00:49:00):
Talk to us now a bit about your decision to go onto Love is Blind. Tell me about this casting experience. Please. Let us know.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:49:13):
So my experience with casting from Love Is Blind is quite different. After our season, it kind of switched up a little bit, but we were actually reached out to, Cameron and I, by casting directors. For me personally, in my DM, y'all. Somebody slid in my DM, yes, and basically she was just like, "Hey, it's a new dating show coming out and I think you'd be perfect." I live in Atlanta, so there's a ton of reality shows being filmed here. I never pictured myself as the reality TV girl. I mean, at the time, I had a media company. I was a business woman. I do production. So I was like, reality TV? I just never saw myself doing that. So I ignored it the first time and the woman... Her name's Lauren. Lauren Spears. She just kind of kept sending me messages like, "Hey, I really think you should check this out." So I'm like, okay, well, just send me the information. I gave her my email address.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:50:03):
She finally sent it over and I was like, through a wall? Like she sent me a very brief synopsis and I was just like, this is crazy, but at the same, I'm intrigued. Because dating here in Atlanta, y'all, is so bad. It's terrible. It's terrible. So I was really drawn to the fact that I could really connect with someone other than just the physical. Like maybe I could really talk to somebody and really connect with them on a human level. So I was like, let's just see where this goes. They ended up calling me to go on the show actually two days before filming. I didn't even know I made the show and most people were like, oh, I knew a month in advance. I knew two months. They literally called me like two days before filming and it was like, "Okay, we decided to select you. Can you be on the show?" I was like, "Uhhh." And I was in Paris at the time. I was traveling. So it was just like, oh my God, I have to get my life together in 24 hours.
Syliva (00:50:57):
Oh my goodness.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:50:59):
Yeah, so that was my situation with casting and actually going on the show. But I was definitely kind of hesitant at first because it just seemed crazy. It was reality TV. I've seen other reality TV shows. I didn't want to be that.
Scottie (00:51:12):
And how it plays out for Black women.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:51:12):
Yeah. I was about to say. How crazy it is. I wasn't about to go on there and be fighting and doing all this. But at the same time I was intrigued because dating in Atlanta sucked and I was like, well, let's just see.
Scottie (00:51:24):
What kind of questions did they ask you? I'm very interested to know.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:51:28):
During the casting process?
Scottie (00:51:29):
Yeah.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:51:30):
So they asked me basically about like my past relationships. They asked what went wrong? Was there a common thread? They definitely asked like, do you have a particular type, which I answered, I don't really have a type per se, but I'm the type of person who's really attracted to personality. If you can make me laugh, then I'm with you. Of course, I want to be attracted to the person. I had never dated a Caucasian man or anybody other than someone who was Black, so that was just that. I was always open to it, but I feel like even as I was going out, just other races-
Scottie (00:52:08):
Also, where would you find a White man in Atlanta?
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:52:09):
Okay!
Scottie (00:52:09):
Like, you ain't finding no White man in Atlanta. Unless you go over there.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:52:15):
Right. In that area.
Scottie (00:52:17):
Athens and them. Then you can find you one.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:52:20):
But even... At the time, I was living in Buckhead. If I would go out and, say, if it was a White guy who was staring at me or whatever, it never... It was just like, okay, so... All right. So that's just kind of where that went. It just never happened.
Syliva (00:52:36):
Well, the way this show was set up helped you as far as feeling as a Black woman being on there. Because what's great about Love is Blind is you kind of eliminate that initial, oh, I don't want to date her because she's Black or the dah, dah, dah, dah of it all. Like they don't know. They have to get to know you without any preconceived notions. Did that aspect of it make you feel a bit more... Did that play a role in your decision?
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:53:01):
Yeah. I mean, that's definitely something that crossed my mind. Then again, as they showed on the show, it was one date that I went into the pod and I sat down and this was our first date and the guy's like, "Are you African American? Because you sound African American." And I was just like, "What?" And then that's when I was like... I was like, I'm going to mess with his head, and I was like, "Actually, no. I'm White." I don't know why I did that voice. Still, to this day, I don't know why I did that. But it was just like, we're not about to do that. Like you're not about to say, "Hey, are you Black?" Because I don't even know what his follow up would've been-
Scottie (00:53:40):
Where that was going.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:53:41):
Yeah. I don't even know where that was going, but it wasn't anything that I was interested in continuing. But like you said, just going into it, definitely I thought about other people's intentions going into it as well as myself. Like will I... Just kind of making these connections with people and not per se knowing their ethnic background. Even like Cameron, for example. Cameron... I didn't know what Cameron was. And I know people are like, oh, you had to have some type of inkling, but Cameron, I just really didn't know. Even on the girl's side, it was just like, what do you think Cameron's background is? Do you think he's White? Do you think he's Black? I was like, I don't know. Hell, he could be Asian. He could be Latino. I don't know.
Scottie (00:54:25):
So y'all didn't even have the discussion.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:54:27):
No.
Scottie (00:54:28):
Y'all didn't even have like, hey... Hey, what do you put in your potato salad? You didn't ask that question.
Syliva (00:54:34):
[crosstalk 00:54:34] because that's what some people... Some people were trying get the answer without getting the answer. I'm trying to find out what I'm trying to find out.
Scottie (00:54:41):
I would... I would...
Syliva (00:54:41):
That would've been you?
Scottie (00:54:43):
[crosstalk 00:54:43].
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:54:43):
So, what ingredients do you use?
Syliva (00:54:45):
When you season your chicken-
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:54:46):
I did ask him if he likes to cook.
Syliva (00:54:47):
... how many seasonings?
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:54:48):
Low-key, I did ask him if he likes to cook and I asked him... I was like, "So what's your favorite dishes?" And I was like, "So how do you season that?" I did ask that question, but it was just like... I'm going to see. I'm going to throw it out there. Cam's actually a great cook too, by the way.
Scottie (00:55:05):
Oh, that's fire.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:55:06):
Because I was worried.
Scottie (00:55:06):
You talked about feeling a bit... I mean, chile. I too would be worried, okay? You talked about feeling a bit anxious about falling in love with a non-Black person on the show because you're someone who was invested in the Black culture. Three years into marriage now. Three years, Lauren.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:55:26):
Yeah. Almost four, girl.
Scottie (00:55:27):
Almost four.
Syliva (00:55:27):
Wow, I can't believe [crosstalk 00:55:30].
Scottie (00:55:31):
How has your perspective changed? And I know it has. It would have to.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:55:35):
Yes. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, my perspective honestly changed, I would say, right at the beginning just because... I think the main thing for me... The anxiety going into it was just like, man, what are my peers going to think? I'm so vocal about who I am, proud of who I am, proud of my culture, proud of all of that, and then going on the show and falling in love with someone who's not of that culture. Initially, that scared me. It was just like, oh my God, I'm going to be judged. People going to say this and that. But then I was just kind of like, well, are you happy? Do you feel like this guy really could be your husband? You guys could really be together? I was like, yeah, and I was like, well, that's all that matters.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:56:23):
But even just growth wise now from the four years from when we first met, I guess, got married, we've definitely grown just through conversations and just through the ways of the world. I feel like so much has happened in the past three or four years in regards to the BLM movement, in regards to everything that we went through in 2020, and that really caused Cam and I to have some conversations that at times weren't that comfortable, that were difficult to have. It was just stuff that had to be said just because it's like us as this... having this new platform and being this interracial couple in the very year when the world discovered racism, quote, unquote, you know what I'm saying? It's just like kind of all of these eyes and voices was just like, so Lauren, so Lauren, so Lauren. Meanwhile, I'm just in a corner crying, trying to figure out what I'm going to do for today because the world's on fire and I'm just trying to handle it mentally.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:57:19):
And Cameron as my husband, even him being a White man, he just wanted to help. He just wanted to support. What can I do? Tell me what to do. So we had to have a conversation that was difficult because it was kind of like... I mean, you can't do anything. This is something you'll never understand. This is something that... The best thing you could do for me is support me in that moment. I think that was a tough conversation for us, but it was a real conversation. It was one had to be had. So yeah, I would say we've definitely gotten stronger and communication is definitely our strong point and it's not something that we shy away from. I tell it how it is.
Syliva (00:57:55):
That's key. That's key.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:57:56):
And that's how it has to be. It's so important for me to feel comfortable being myself in any relationship, let alone an interracial relationship, and I think that's a question that I get asked a lot... Stop me if I'm talking too much, y'all, because I-
Syliva (00:58:08):
No, no!
Scottie (00:58:08):
Girl! Communicate!
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:58:08):
Okay, I was going to say... Yes!
Syliva (00:58:15):
Communicate!
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:58:16):
I was going to say, and that's a question that I get asked all the time from, I guess, fellow Black women. It's like, do you feel comfortable being in an interracial relationship because I just feel like I couldn't be myself? To me, that just hurts my heart because I don't think anybody should be in any type of relationship when they don't feel like they can be their self. That, for me, has never been a problem. It's like I have to be myself. That was one of the reasons why even went on Love is Blind is so that someone could really love me for me regardless of the exterior, so that's kind of carried throughout our relationship.
Syliva (00:58:53):
I think when we talk about like the expectations we feel or what we kind of brace ourselves for as Black women when we're watching these shows... Like we're used to disappointment. Like we said, we're used to them being eliminated. We're used to this stuff. So bringing all of that, I think for Black women watching your season of Love is Blind, we're a seeing bird's eye view, which you guys aren't seeing. So I know me, myself, I'm like, oh Lord, how Cameron going to react when he sees Lauren's Black. Jesus, please let him not... Or how is she going to react? We just have that because of what we've seen and I think what made me fall so in love with... don't fight me, girl... your husband was that-
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (00:59:36):
It's all good!
Syliva (00:59:39):
... is how watching him adore you regardless. You know what I mean? That was the spin that we didn't see. You know what I mean? It just felt so good to see this Black woman on a reality show being loved down. Like adored. Like ain't nobody got no question. That man... We were like, he may be a White man, but that White man love him some Lauren, okay? I feel like that was all-
Scottie (01:00:01):
Yes! That's all I said every episode. I said that White man loves her!
Syliva (01:00:07):
He loves him some her! We loved watching you have that. Especially in the midst of... It was one of the first times where I'm like, dang, things are going best for the Black girl. Who knew? It was just such a flip of the script, where everybody else was struggling. People were dealing left and right. Not you, though. Y'all was good. Even in the follow-up, when you guys came back with those second set of episodes, that deep breath where it's like, okay, they're still together. Meanwhile, people are fighting, arguing, and being petty at the party and you and Cameron are just sitting there. He's giving you a speech about how much he loves you.
Scottie (01:00:41):
[crosstalk 01:00:41]
Syliva (01:00:41):
Watching the drama. Not being part of it. And I loved that.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:00:45):
It's a beautiful thing. Beautiful thing.
Scottie (01:00:48):
Yeah, and also noted that like... We've already known that Black women are lovable and deserve love. You know what I'm saying? For a long time, I haven't seen that... and I am the queen. Let me tell you something, Lauren. I will watch a dating show.
Syliva (01:01:00):
She will watch a dating show.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:01:01):
Yes!
Scottie (01:01:02):
I will watch a dating show. Just to root for the Black person.
Syliva (01:01:07):
And just to get upset.
Scottie (01:01:07):
The one Black person.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:01:07):
Right. Just to get upset. Just to be disappointed.
Scottie (01:01:12):
But because I held out so much hope... Every single season of something, I just knew.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:01:20):
Like something's going to happen.
Scottie (01:01:20):
This has to be the one where a Black woman wins. And so to see that actually happen and know that... See, I told y'all! We are lovable-
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:01:31):
Oh, absolutely.
Scottie (01:01:33):
... beings.
Syliva (01:01:33):
See, this is how we're supposed to be treated. It was like, watch this. This is how we're Black women need to be treated on these shows. Like the queens we are. And so I loved that representation.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:01:46):
Cameron had no question. I was the one that was questioning. Like, you're this sure?
Syliva (01:01:51):
And I loved it! And I loved it. I said, yes! Black woman making choices. Does she want it? Because she's good. You know what I mean?
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:01:55):
Right. Do I want this?
Syliva (01:01:59):
Do you want this? Versus the idea that we're so thirsty-
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:02:02):
The ball is in his court.
Syliva (01:02:03):
... or we're so desperate. It was so... There was no pick me about it, as we like to say. It was very much like I am also seeing if you're what I want. I know that you want me, but do I want you? Because that matters too. I don't think we get a lot of representation of Black women doing that process and having those options. Because it happens in real life. It happens in Scottie's DMs every day.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:02:27):
Girl, your DMs blowing up?
Scottie (01:02:36):
Lauren! Now, I know...
Syliva (01:02:37):
[crosstalk 01:02:37].
Scottie (01:02:39):
But when you see things like that... Especially you mentioned Atlanta dating. My friends who live in Atlanta be like, girl, we don't even get the choice to be like, hey, I don't want to date you. We have to take advantage of any date that we get.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:02:53):
Of what's available.
Scottie (01:02:55):
Right, of what's available-
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:02:56):
Very sparse.
Scottie (01:02:57):
... because there are so many women.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:02:58):
It's funny that you ladies bring that up because that's one of the things that I actually heard the most when the show came out from my fellow sisters. It's just like, man, yes. Hand clap that we finally get to see a Black woman who is kind of... I don't know if I would say the center of the show, but kind of being held-
Syliva (01:03:16):
Girl, you were the center.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:03:16):
... in high esteem.
Scottie (01:03:18):
Lauren, say center.
Syliva (01:03:20):
You were the prom queen.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:03:20):
Well, you know.
Scottie (01:03:20):
Lauren, say center.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:03:20):
I don't be wanting to say it.
Syliva (01:03:23):
Be humble. No, you be humble. We'll say it for you. We'll say it for you. She ain't said it. We said it.
Scottie (01:03:28):
Like I said, Lauren is the center.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:03:31):
But being held in this esteem and, like you ladies said, not only that but being myself, not having to be in the center of drama, and just being there to be loved.
Scottie (01:03:40):
Oh, I love that.
Syliva (01:03:41):
I think sometimes producers don't even realize what you... If you do something to a White couple and you play up this drama or something like that, it won't have the same connotation as if you do it with a Black person involved. Just because they may not be aware of... Sometimes in production, there's this frame of like, oh, this frame works. These archetypes where it's like, oh, this is the party girl or the player or the things, and don't realize that when you stamp that label or try to make that the drama part and it's a Black person... Even in this season of Love is Blind, right? This current one with the Jarrette, Mallory, and Iyanna triangle. I don't know if as many people were thinking on the back end about what it looks like even for us to see in the sense that Iyanna is a Black woman and this other woman is Latina and it's like... Making it seem like, just for whatever drama and fun, oh, is this what Jarrette really wanted when it was in a room where we don't know what the races were to begin with, but that's how it looks. And so you have to be... People were... It was triggering. Like I had a lot of friends who were like, oh, I was triggered by watching this because we don't want to see the Black-
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:04:56):
Almost like second choice.
Syliva (01:04:57):
Second choice and playing that up, when I think... From what I saw when the couples went to live together, I feel like Iyanna and Jarrette probably had the least amount of drama once they were living together. Right before the wedding. And so it was like the only thing that they had for their storyline is what happened at the honeymoon and the thing. But playing that up. You know what I mean? It has this whole other trigger-
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:05:22):
Somehow that became the center.
Syliva (01:05:24):
... that you're not maybe even realizing that it's doing to Black women. Because we're constantly being told, when you get out, he's going to leave you for this girl or this girl or this non Black girl or this and that. And Iyanna herself is like on the high beauty end of standards of Black women to begin with. You know what I mean? Like Iyanna could be in Vogue tomorrow with her little short self. I mean, obviously, she doesn't have the height of a supermodel, but she has excellent bone structure. She's gorgeous, girl.
Scottie (01:05:52):
Great teeth.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:05:53):
Yes. And a beautiful personality.
Syliva (01:05:56):
But it's like they all... They're a beautiful couple, but I just feel like-
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:06:00):
I was definitely triggered.
Scottie (01:06:01):
Yeah, I was triggered too.
Syliva (01:06:02):
I was triggered.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:06:03):
Girl, that made me think back like, ooh. Definitely. Just even the situation of him telling Mallory one thing and then kind of telling Iyanna another thing. Like, I didn't say that, baby. Whatever the case may be, it was just like, ugh. Triggering for sure.
Scottie (01:06:20):
I was mad about it. I was mad about it. But it breaks my heart sometimes when people do fall victim to thinking that producers don't-
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:06:30):
Have a hand.
Scottie (01:06:31):
... put shit in there. Right. Have a hand in trying to get you to get riled up. Get you to react.
Syliva (01:06:36):
Because it's TV. It's got to be entertaining at the end of the day. If it's not entertaining, are we going to watch it or are we going to be bored? But it's at the expense of these are real people. They're not actors.
Scottie (01:06:47):
Because they already have your narrative in their head. They've written down what your narrative is going to be, so it's up to you to really bring that out. To actually be like, hey. That's not me.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:06:59):
Yeah. And just be yourself. You know what I'm saying? Just be aware of the questions that they're asking. Like if they're asking something that's not really... makes you kind of shudder or think twice, be like, no, that's not me. I'm not answering that. I'm not saying that. That's so important. For anybody listening who's interested in going into reality TV, you have to have a strong sense of self because it's so easy for that to be swayed just through production. I mean, whether that's the editing, whether that's producers asking you questions to get you to say something. It's almost like the news. You see people getting interviewed on the news and then they ask you all these questions, but they show the one clip of you where you like, "Shoot, he did this." It's the same thing.
Syliva (01:07:40):
If we can't go to [Bella Noches 01:07:40], where the hell can we go?
Scottie (01:07:40):
Where can you go?
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:07:51):
They always show that little sound bite and that's what a big part of reality TV is, is that.
Syliva (01:07:56):
But on the flip side of positivity with it that we are seeing... There was a Refinery 29 article that talked about how Black women and dating reality show... Talked about this topic. It was basically saying that, instead of finding love on these shows, Black women are finding the bag. I wanted to know your thoughts on that. For me, one of the first people I think of is the icon, the legend, New York. She ain't get Flav. But she became a legend and got her own reality show spin-off off of it. I think one of the Black Bachelorettes was maybe somebody who didn't get picked before on one of her seasons. And then we're seeing endorsements. All of these things. So what do you think? what are your thoughts on how Black women are parlaying this into getting the bag?
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:08:42):
Oh yeah, absolutely. Myself included. Because you know... Hey. I feel like... No, honestly. I feel like, hey, it's an opportunity. We share our life. We our personality. And people love that. We welcome people into our life every day. Like, y'all think we're not supposed to make money? How are we supposed to pay our bills? One thing about brands and working with brands is... Someone like me, for example. Like I'm myself. I am a Black woman. I'm screaming from the mountain tops loudly and there are a lot of Black women who support me. So brands see that and they're like... Her. But that all comes from being myself, being very vocal about things. So I love to see it. Hey, get your bag. Get your bag. Get your bag. And I love to see it. As we should be. And get your full bag. Don't get your half bag, sis. Make sure they pay you what you deserve and what you're owed.
Syliva (01:09:41):
Let tell me you. Cross reference them rates. Cross reference them rates.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:09:46):
Cross references.
Scottie (01:09:47):
Get them rates and also make sure you stay true to your dignity too. I think, a lot of time, brands will have you stepping out saying shit that you wouldn't say.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:09:58):
Right. Dignity on all-
Syliva (01:10:01):
On screen, off screen. With the bag.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:10:03):
On screen, doing brand stuff online, with a bag. Especially with the bag. Because that's when they try to come for you. Not to bring up Mr. Smith, but you know. What Denzel said to him. When you have your highest moment, that's when the devil comes in and that's the same with the bag. Because, all of a sudden, you may become popular, you're getting all these offers, and something may just not sit right with your spirit. It might be a big check, but that doesn't mean you have to do it. It's never worth your self worth and it's never worth your mental health. If you are doing something that pays you, but gives you mental anguish or you can't sleep at night because of it, don't do it. It's not worth it.
Scottie (01:10:37):
Because these brands will work hard trying to exploit you-
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:10:40):
Oh, absolutely.
Scottie (01:10:40):
... and exploit your blackness.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:10:40):
And using you as a token. Boom.
Syliva (01:10:44):
Wow. Same time.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:10:45):
Using you as a token. Not celebrating you because you're Black, but using you just because you're Black.
Scottie (01:10:52):
If they only call in for Black History Month, we got a problem.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:10:55):
Okay!
Syliva (01:10:56):
Where you at in April when I got to pay my taxes? Where are you at? I need the checks.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:11:03):
Throughout the year. Period.
Syliva (01:11:08):
It's funny you brought up Denzel. It made me think of another Denzel clip. When we were talking about where... When I saw this question where it was like, I'm leaving here with something. It may not be a man. It may not be love, but I'm leaving here with something. And if it's the bag, I guess it's the bag.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:11:23):
Period.
Scottie (01:11:24):
And that's everywhere. I think any... So far on Netflix, all the dating shows that I've watched, the Black girl is the main character.
Syliva (01:11:35):
It's not our fault. We're just more entertaining.
Scottie (01:11:36):
Too Hot to Handle.
Syliva (01:11:37):
I hate to tell you.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:11:38):
Okay! We have a great personality. We're fabulous. We look great.
Syliva (01:11:45):
And you have to be twice as good to get there. So, of course, you're better.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:11:48):
We push the culture forward. Black women push the culture forward. We are the standard. No matter what people tell you, the beauty industry, whoever... If you look at the beauty industry, Kim Kardashian did not start cornrows, honey. She did not start cornrows. Beads, all that. How we dress, how we talk, our flair. All of that. Black women are the standard.
Scottie (01:12:13):
I love that. No matter how much you try to erase that, how much you are going to try to put White women in the forefront, everybody knows the truth. And people are starting to learn more about that. So this goes into this next question. How can dating reality shows do a better job at honoring Black women? If you were the head of a dating show, what would you do? What would you say? A.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:12:41):
Absolutely. I think that, to start, it's important to not only have Black women on the show pass the first episode but just to show the variety in Black women. There's so many different types of Black women. Not only how we look on the outside, but just who we are on the inside. Our personalities, the things that we're passionate about. Show me a spectrum of Black women-
Scottie (01:13:05):
Thank you!
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:13:05):
... on these shows.
Syliva (01:13:07):
Diversity within diversity.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:13:09):
I would love to see that. Love to see that.
Syliva (01:13:12):
There's the HBCU Black girl. There's the Jack and Jill Black. There's the 'round the way Black girl. There's the fashionista Black girl.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:13:19):
It's the Hilary Banks Black girl.
Syliva (01:13:23):
Give us diversity.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:13:25):
There's so many varieties of Black women and Black people in general and I think television needs to do a better job of that. Of course, not just reality. Scripted too. I feel like we're moving in the right direction, but especially for reality TV. Because I feel like so many of the popular, successful shows show this one dimensional, in a lot of different ways, type of Black women. But listen. It's a whole lot out there that we need to see and bring to the forefront.
Syliva (01:13:57):
Well, thank you so much for coming down, Lauren. We had such a good time talking with you.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:14:00):
Oh, thank you for having me. Thank you so much, y'all. This has been a pleasure. Anytime.
Syliva (01:14:06):
Yes, and welcome to the Netflix podcast family!
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:14:10):
Thank you! Hopefully, I didn't tell too much truth and I still got it after this. No, thank you for having me, ladies. I had a great time. Thank you so much. This was great.
Scottie (01:14:25):
Great. We got to teach her the handshake now.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:14:27):
Oh, there's a handshake?
Syliva (01:14:28):
We'll invite you to the secret meetings.
Scottie (01:14:28):
Yes, the secret meetings. Nobody knows about them.
Lauren Speed-Hamilton (01:14:28):
Yes. Here for it.
Syliva (01:14:37):
All right. That's our show. Thank you for tuning in, guys. First one back!
Scottie (01:14:46):
Our show is a production of Netflix and Strong Black Lead. Our senior producer Jess Jupiter. Original music by Amanda Jones.
Syliva (01:14:54):
Make sure you share your thoughts with us on the episode using the hashtag #okaynowlisten, follow Strong Black Lead on the socials @StrongBlackLead, and follow us too. I'm @SylviaObell.
Scottie (01:15:05):
And I'm @ScottieBeam.
Syliva (01:15:05):
Keep my cohost's name and mine out your motherfucking mouths, okay? I mean, keep it in, but don't talk crazy.
Scottie (01:15:18):
Right. Don't don't make me look crazy and don't make her look crazy either. Stay blessed!
Syliva (01:15:25):
Stay blessed. Love y'all. See y'all next time.